Good morning, friends! Some Fridays, I send out questions on light topics, like running with your dog. Other times, I ask questions that ask us to dig a little deeper.
You’ve no doubt heard about Eliza Fletcher, the runner who was abducted earlier this month in Memphis. The past few years have seen a string of cases like hers, which grab our attention for a few days and then are lost in the shadow of the next big news story.
Invariably, the discussion around these cases centers around the changes women can/should make to avoid being the next victim. But, as one reader pointed out to me, that’s not much of a solution: “Do we just run the same routes by our homes for the rest of our lives?”
My question to you is, what are some real, constructive changes we could make — as communities, or as a society — to make running while female safer? And, what do women wish men knew about what it’s like to run as a woman on your own?
I look forward to seeing your ideas and experiences. — Terrell
P.S.: As you post a comment or reply, please keep this in mind: to make sure everyone who shares here feels this can be a safe space to share, let’s be kind and gentle with each other. We’ve created a wonderfully supportive community here, so let’s make sure it stays that way 👍
I have a huge intimidating pit bull that bites people (unfortunately), who's like my demon soul-protector, and I'm still not confident running at dusk or dawn with him by my side. I assume some guy will have a gun to best my buddy. It's too bad also, because dusk and dawn are times when the paths are emptiest. Perfect for reflection and inner peace. And also, not so sweaty. My adult son gave me a legal pocket knife that I run with in my sports bra at all times. On longer runs my husband is nearby, too.
GM. I've been a little indisposed these last few days so wasn't able to "partake". It's unfortunate that our lady runners feel this pressure and stress, especially so that most of us, if not all, use running additionally as a stress release. To give an unfortunate comparison, I've become a little more or an early AM runner [same reason, to make sure I can get it in]. My worries as typically about environment [animals, cars. etc.] but never about anyone following me or accosting me. I'm so sorry & sympathetic
to the ladies, for all they want s to be able to retain some independence while completing a thing they likely enjoy.
One thing men can do to help is take on some of the child care for an hour in the afternoon or early evening when it's light out. So many moms, myself included, run early in the morning like at 4 or 5am because it's the only time when we are not interrupted by kids/jobs/etc.
One last thought as this has been on my mind for the past day or so . . . I only ever fully relax/feel safe running is when someone else is with me (running/biking/following me) or I’m in a race. I never, ever feel 100% safe from harm.
Thanks Terrell for bringing up such an important topic. It’s also sad that I (and possibly many others) could relate to so many of the experiences that other female runners shared. I grew up in the 80s in India and loved the idea of running but always had to do it with someone else after being accosted on the running route twice. Several decades on I live in a busy and largely very safe neighborhood in Maryland but from time to time (and especially if it’s early morning), I have had unpleasant experiences of being followed by someone in a car who says something so lewd and revolting that I dash to the closest shop that is open. These days I just avoid running before sunrise
Terrell, I want to say thank you for bringing up this topic. What is the solution to such a difficult problem? Well, obviously it is not an easy solution. Lots of work needs to be done, but, this here is a great start. Having these types of conversations so that men can hear what we go through and help to bring change to the way this problem is looked at is an excellent start. This brings me hope. Thank you.
I have the same issue here in Italy! The difference between a male runner and a female runner is that your freedom is more limited. I can not decide to run at eleven at night, I can not run in my favourite park in the evening, I can not run in some calm and quite roads. And then my male runner friends ask me why I run in the city Center with cars around me and smog... because I am a woman and my freedom is not connected with my safety...
Someone on here said this was a societal problem and they’re 100% right. Girls and women have long been expected to be deferential and kind. Women who tell a man who is bothering her to f-off risks physical violence at the extreme and name called on the other end. Men and boys have to learn that they don’t have the right to approach a woman who says no- “one more time”. They need to learn respect. But - how will they when our whole culture puts women a step or two below men. I’m angry about this because I should be - I have a RIGHT to be as safe as my male neighbor who runs when and where he wants and yet I am not. This starts with little boys on the playground learning that it isn’t okay to make sexualized comments about their female classmates - and that there are consequences when they do. I teach elementary school (5th grade) and this is already a problem with my entitled boys.
That said - I take too many risks. I often run the same route. In fall and spring I often run at dusk or in the dark. I keep my eyes and ears open and have a fully charged phone. I have been stalked by a fed ex driver (of all things) and turned and took his picture. He sped off but I know I was lucky. I have a black belt in taekwondo and would never ever rely on fighting to save myself. I guess it’s time to get armed with something since I don’t see a neat answer. I’d love for people who do bad things to be dealt with so they’re not our (female runners) problem.
After reading all the comments, it looks like more than one person has had a close call and thankfully gotten away. I used to run on the paved trails around the lakes in downtown Minneapolis. This was in the 70s, and it was mid-morning or after work. I want to say people were friendlier, but it was a better time. I remember when I would run up on someone or they me and ask if they could run with me... Now I'd be tased or sprayed ... The world has changed, and not for the better. I'm a male and wouldn't think about running after dark, even if I'm wearing neon green. Drivers are more aggressive, and even when I run on a bike path, I'm always looking ahead for the driver, trying to do too many things besides driving. For me, the best time to do my long run is about 6:30 am on a Sunday morning... a few cars, and it's still light enough to be seen. As for the homeless population, in this economy, it's going to get nothing but worse. Where I live, there are few shelters, and after dark, they move into the downtown areas to find places to sleep. Though I'm a male, I'm still cautious. People will mug you for your earbuds or phone. My wife used to bike next to me on my long runs then stopped... "Youn run too slow!" See what happens when you get older!!! LOL
I live in an older ok neighborhood in Las Vegas, but never, ever run alone or walk my dogs at night/in the dark. Even my husband doesn’t want to go out walking at night in our neighborhood.
I feel like I’ve been really lucky. In almost 22 years of running, I have only been chased by 1 homeless man. There have been the random cat calls, creepy lurkers, etc., but only 1 situation where I felt seriously threatened.
My hubby understands my fears & worries more for me than I do. I carry mace, but he wants me to carry a gun. He will ride his bike while I run or drive his truck alongside me at times when I have a bad feeling or I’m running on vacation in a new place. Someone once commented that him doing that was weird/over protective. I told them it’s my safety & my life. If I could hire a bodyguard to run with me, I would. How sad is that? Not everyone understands.
Because I’ve lived in this house for so long, I’ve gotten to know some of my neighbors I run by (I run around my neighborhood) & feel safer when I see them. They are always sweet & tell me to let them know if I see anything weird/have someone try anything. That helps. 👍🏼
Thank you for raising this and so many great comments already. I live near a river and would like to run there but feel too nervous as it’s very isolated and worry what could happen. so choose to run on pavements crossing traffic as I feel it would be “safer”. I feel angry sometimes I have to make that choice and run somewhere that’s less enjoyable. Like others have said I think Just being aware of the impact you may have on other runners without meaning to, whether it’s running to close to them or not giving them space. I like a friendly nod or wave , to give support but keeping distance.
We live in a very safe place in suburban/rural Texas, but I do carry "bear" spray for potential feral hogs. I have used it on aggressive dogs (VERY effective), and I would highly recommend it for use against 2 or 4 legged predators. Having seen the effect in using it several times, I feel pretty safe just about anywhere with it. (Full disclosure, I have no relationship to this company. It is UDAP.com, get the "Mugger Fogger" size. It is 4 ounces, and about $24.) This has stopped dogs several times for me.
I agree that it simply isn’t completely safe everywhere for running, particularly for certain people (e.g. women). And I don’t see that magic wand appearing anytime soon to fix it. So a couple of things I’d like men (or other people who don’t have the same fears or reasons to be wary) should know:
- when you’re going to pass me (esp there aren’t a lot of people around), please call out to me well in advance that you’re coming up to pass me (“on you’re left” works just fine). That way I know you’re there and we can both acknowledge your presence and I can give you room to pass without feeling like someone is chasing me or going to grab me.
- when I don’t want to engage with you, it’s nothing personal, just another way to keep my guard up and protect myself. That doesn’t make me a b**** or rude or some other unkind word. You know you are safe, but I don’t.
- if you notice some other person that is potentially threatening to me, be aware that your best way of helping me may still be at a distance, like just putting yourself in between us, rather than getting up close and “protective”. I can’t always tell if you’re part of the problem or part of the solution.
- and if you’re my friend, partner, etc and I tell you a story of my fear that seems overblown, recognize that not only is not overblown, but I’m probably understating it so as not to freak myself out more. I greatly appreciate just feeling heard.
This thread is already full of brilliant comments worth reading and I'm grateful to see it. One thing I want to add, and to see more of out there, is for runners to be allies to other runners who are in a fraught situation. It's similar to the good advice for intervening if you see someone harassing another person: try to disrupt the situation in order to diffuse and/or de-escalate it, pretend you know the person who's getting the unwanted attention, physically disrupt the space if you can, and try to disperse it.
On that note of unwanted attention, mostly what I wish more men knew about "running while female" is that even the littlest bit of attention while we're running can be unwanted, demoralizing, run-ruining, and threatening. Please make sure you read Victoria's comment in this thread about how even — I would add: especially — a well intentioned interaction can be terrifying for us.
I know I've essentially just asked for more attention (as in, please be aware and keep an eye out for all your fellow runners, and be an ally when you can) while ALSO wishing to be blissfully ignored while Running While Female In Public. I've spent so many miles upset (usually after some unwanted attention) and wondering how this could just be not a thing we deal with as a fact of running, but I usually come back to this: just remember we're all on the same team, and try to act like that and be excellent to each other, because really, we're all a little vulnerable out there.
Terrell, as usual thank for bringing this topic to the forefront. I think what men can learn, is by reading all of the comments. The amount of effort, time and energy women devote to their safety is on the one hand absurd and ridiculous that we have to; on the other hand it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for our very survival. And even then, some, Eliza and others don't. Just last weekend, at 11 AM on a Saturday a woman was assaulted on an upper Manhattan (NYC) regular running trail, usually well populated ~ so upsetting. I run mostly alone. The ones that bother me the most are our rail trails, which I love, but can be isolating. I have made a decision for myself, and only speaking for me, that I will run those trails with the necessary precautions. Running is my savior, without it I'm not sure where I would be. Sending love to all my fellow female runners...stay safe out there, please.
I guess I've been lucky. I've run solo for a long time. Even though we have a homeless problem here, and, I suppose, an addiction problem, the community council and the police actively take care of it. I've been told by homeless gentlemen and by the pastor, that the big church by me is a safe space. There are numerous safe spaces located around town. . . I see signs for them. More often than not, though, I get warned about feral pigs and bears than humans!
I do live in a city that may be considered upscale. The residents here are well-behaved, caring. and considered a bit uptight. It is unusual. I feel for those who have to run early or late or on city streets. I do know there is safety in numbers and know of some running groups (only women) in AZ.
Eventually it may work itself out. Discussion on problems in our society helps, as this one. It's little observations that build into big ones and it snowballs from there. . .Look at the MeToo movement. It has done wonders for women.:)
There is so much to this and it all feels just so fraught. As a mom of two kids under 4 often the only time I can run is early morning or late at night. I always tell my wife where I’m going, and only listen to podcasts with one earbud in. I’m never fully “present” for a run during those times because I’m always aware of my surroundings and any sounds out of the ordinary. I try to avoid or run around parked cars and it all adds such a heavy layer to a run. I also try to switch up some aspects of my runs just in case.
I did a trail 50k, but didn’t run any trails in training because my gut was telling me that there wasn’t anytime I could run the trails safely. Even training can be different for people that present as women.
I also can’t help but acknowledge my relative privilege of my height combined with being white as something too. I present femme, but as a queer person, this is also a factor in my safety in certain areas that is always in the back of my mind.
Thank you, Terrell, for bringing this up with such care ♥️
There are so many issues here that are so difficult to solve. I stopped running on the two bike paths near me because I saw many homeless people there that were obviously either mentally ill or under the influence. More than once, I had threatening behavior directed at me, but it was never bad enough for me to stop running there. Then I had a man that worked at a park that is adjacent to the bike path warn me with so much fear in his own eyes, that he convinced me to stop. What he said was that not even he or the other men in his crew would venture down there. This is sad, but I know that as a nurse, mental illness and drug addiction is a huge problem in our area, and probably all over the country. Most homeless people are harmless and they need a place to stay, so moving them from that area would only cause a problem somewhere else, but, some of the mentally ill and drug addicted people are dangerous, and there are not enough resources for them either. Obviously, there is no fast, easy solution to this.
BUT, I think that Terrell's point here is not so much how we can make women safer as such, but to maybe give a little understanding to men about what we have to think about that they do not.
So, I think the best thing I can say is this: never blame the victim. Do not say things like, she should not have been running: alone, in the dark, in that part of town, the same route, OR, she should have: carried mace, a gun, taken self-defense classes, fought harder. These statements are not only not helpful, it also blames the woman for what someone else does to her. If you as men do not have to go through all this trouble to go for a run, why do you expect us to do so. I think if we start with that way of thinking, it'll help put the focus on the correct solution.
I also want to add that there is another experience we go through that is not so much dangerous as uncomfortable and annoying. I have an area near a park where I go park my car when I go on a run/Elliptigo. It is a very pretty and convenient place to park for free, but I often choose another area or think twice about parking there because there is a man that often parks there who is too interested in me. His conversation is a little more than friendly, and he makes me feel uncomfortable. This type of behavior as well as cars slowing down with a driver/passenger sticking his head out and staring or commenting or whistling is also something most men don't have to worry about and many excuse as being complimentary. It is not and we shouldn't have to change our behavior because of it.
A couple decades ago, I jogged to the top of Rattlesnake Canyon Trail and arrived at a winding mountain road overlooking Santa Barbara. I perched on a large rock to enjoy the view for a few minutes. Soon, a man in a new truck pulled up beside me and rolled down his passenger window. He asked me the time. I told him, but thought it strange, thinking that a new truck would have a clock. He drove further down the road and pulled over. Immediately, I heard his wheels screech as he spun his truck around barreled back up the hill. I jumped off the rock onto the road and tried to get to the trailhead. I realized I wouldn’t get there in time. So I leapt off the edge of the road down the steep slope and slid in the chaparral next to a tree directly beneath the gravely surface of the road’s edge. He raced up, hitting a loose gravel sign, and stopped. He got out of his truck, walked around on the gravel, it crunching right above me. He started swearing, and thank God, failed to see me. He took off back down the hill in his truck after a minute or so. I waited for a bit then ran as fast as it ever had down the trail. I’m grateful for my fast thinking, and that I’m alive and avoided hell on earth. The two legged animals are the most dangerous in my experience, not the four legged ones.
I am now more cautious. I never run the same route more than once a week. I now have a dog and run with him. I run in the dark mornings in my neighborhood all the time. But now, with my dog. I’ve often carried pepper spray in the palm of my hand. I avoid running beside vans and other vehicles or objects that I feel pose risk. I’ll go to the middle of the street or across it. Do I wish it were safe? Absolutely yes. But, it’s not. How to fix it? Don’t blame the victims is a great start. We need to value women as equals at every part, stage, and venue of life. I’d love to be more involved in changing this dynamic affecting women and runners and I’m happy you asked this question!
Before retiring! I used to walk my two dogs before daylight and I felt reasonably safe, as I live in a relatively safe neighborhood. But now, I won’t go out before sun up and especially to run alone. I’ve searched for a running buddy, since I lost mine 4 years ago, but it hasn’t happened, so I’m always on my own. No way I’ll go in the dark, even in my “safe” neighborhood. I don’t know the solution. There will always be those who prey on others. So sad.
Once when I was training for a marathon I was running through a suburban neighborhood I knew well in what is known to be a "very safe" city. It was a Saturday afternoon and kids were playing outside on their front lawns and biking up and down the street as their parents watched them and did chores. I was having a lovely time cruising down the streets taking in all the wonderful sights and listening to children laughing and bicycle pedals clicking and clunking and chains rattling and lawnmowers roaring. Then, all of the sudden a bicyclist came up behind me quickly, then moved sharply, just inches from me to my right, and slowed down. I raised my hand abruptly in an attempt to defend myself from what I was sure was someone trying to abduct me in broad daylight when I looked at him (to try to commit his appearance to memory) and realized it was my partner who had happened to see me while on a bike ride and simply wanted to say hello. I immediately stopped running and choked back tears while telling him how much he scared me, how he could never do something like that again. He was completely shocked; all he had wanted to do was surprise me, not realizing how terrifying *my* experience would be. The moment illuminated for him - someone who thought he understood issues like women's safety, someone who wasn't a complete idiot about the subject, who knew that society needed to do more to keep women and girls safe - how much he took for granted while running and while being a man.
I've been running since 1983 and my first marathon was the Women's 10K around Central Park. Hence, that is where I ran everyday. To this day, I run alone and given the alarming rate of women runners at risk, I choose to run in public parks when there are other people around. I also run country roads and along busy streets when the sun is out and there is a fair amount of traffic. I would like to think because I've been running all these years, I know where it is safe to run. But no. We need to be mindful that the unexpected happens in the most obscure places. As runners, we may have speed and stamina but we are not invincible.
For me I only run in public places. I won’t run alone in more remote places. I am also aware of my surroundings. For long runs especially. That being said running with a group is best for many reasons but especially for safety. This issue of safety for women keeps coming up and unfairly women have to remain wary and vigilant when men don’t always have to be as careful. Talking to my brother about this years ago exposed how much he didn’t realize about the differences between solo running for men and women.
As a Dad of two precious grown daughters who love getting out on Nature’s trails to walk or jog alone, I implore them to find a walking/running partner for their daily excursions. Easier said than done given so many variables in scheduling etc. I am all ears for practical suggestions. Self-defense courses may save one’s life, but to be worried each time you step on the trail for a solitary run, quickly extinguishes the joy. Having a dog as a companion may deter a would be attacker but can be distracting if the dog is not well trained. Trade offs abound and regretfully compromises will probably need to be made if women are to safely run outdoors solo. I wish it were otherwise and I pray one day it will. Eons from now? I hope not.
This is a societal problem and it is sad that one must seriously consider safety from violent crime when going out for a run. I’m not female but until we get serious about locking up criminals the risk to all of us is increasing. You can have compassion for violent criminals if you so choose but keep them in jail to protect law abiding citizens.
I also look forward to the comments here. In western Washington the trails are abundant but now lined with homeless camps and individuals. I run with mace, but now I stick to main roads and forego enjoying the beauty of our parks and forests. My husband wants me to run with a gun lol!
This really hit home for me today. In 1 month two women have gone missing near where I live in a very “safe” community in Arizona. I am looking forward to seeing the ideas discussed in these comments. We have so many beautiful trails to run and we as women are truly at risk running them.
I have a huge intimidating pit bull that bites people (unfortunately), who's like my demon soul-protector, and I'm still not confident running at dusk or dawn with him by my side. I assume some guy will have a gun to best my buddy. It's too bad also, because dusk and dawn are times when the paths are emptiest. Perfect for reflection and inner peace. And also, not so sweaty. My adult son gave me a legal pocket knife that I run with in my sports bra at all times. On longer runs my husband is nearby, too.
GM. I've been a little indisposed these last few days so wasn't able to "partake". It's unfortunate that our lady runners feel this pressure and stress, especially so that most of us, if not all, use running additionally as a stress release. To give an unfortunate comparison, I've become a little more or an early AM runner [same reason, to make sure I can get it in]. My worries as typically about environment [animals, cars. etc.] but never about anyone following me or accosting me. I'm so sorry & sympathetic
to the ladies, for all they want s to be able to retain some independence while completing a thing they likely enjoy.
One thing men can do to help is take on some of the child care for an hour in the afternoon or early evening when it's light out. So many moms, myself included, run early in the morning like at 4 or 5am because it's the only time when we are not interrupted by kids/jobs/etc.
One last thought as this has been on my mind for the past day or so . . . I only ever fully relax/feel safe running is when someone else is with me (running/biking/following me) or I’m in a race. I never, ever feel 100% safe from harm.
Thanks Terrell for bringing up such an important topic. It’s also sad that I (and possibly many others) could relate to so many of the experiences that other female runners shared. I grew up in the 80s in India and loved the idea of running but always had to do it with someone else after being accosted on the running route twice. Several decades on I live in a busy and largely very safe neighborhood in Maryland but from time to time (and especially if it’s early morning), I have had unpleasant experiences of being followed by someone in a car who says something so lewd and revolting that I dash to the closest shop that is open. These days I just avoid running before sunrise
Terrell, I want to say thank you for bringing up this topic. What is the solution to such a difficult problem? Well, obviously it is not an easy solution. Lots of work needs to be done, but, this here is a great start. Having these types of conversations so that men can hear what we go through and help to bring change to the way this problem is looked at is an excellent start. This brings me hope. Thank you.
I have the same issue here in Italy! The difference between a male runner and a female runner is that your freedom is more limited. I can not decide to run at eleven at night, I can not run in my favourite park in the evening, I can not run in some calm and quite roads. And then my male runner friends ask me why I run in the city Center with cars around me and smog... because I am a woman and my freedom is not connected with my safety...
Someone on here said this was a societal problem and they’re 100% right. Girls and women have long been expected to be deferential and kind. Women who tell a man who is bothering her to f-off risks physical violence at the extreme and name called on the other end. Men and boys have to learn that they don’t have the right to approach a woman who says no- “one more time”. They need to learn respect. But - how will they when our whole culture puts women a step or two below men. I’m angry about this because I should be - I have a RIGHT to be as safe as my male neighbor who runs when and where he wants and yet I am not. This starts with little boys on the playground learning that it isn’t okay to make sexualized comments about their female classmates - and that there are consequences when they do. I teach elementary school (5th grade) and this is already a problem with my entitled boys.
That said - I take too many risks. I often run the same route. In fall and spring I often run at dusk or in the dark. I keep my eyes and ears open and have a fully charged phone. I have been stalked by a fed ex driver (of all things) and turned and took his picture. He sped off but I know I was lucky. I have a black belt in taekwondo and would never ever rely on fighting to save myself. I guess it’s time to get armed with something since I don’t see a neat answer. I’d love for people who do bad things to be dealt with so they’re not our (female runners) problem.
After reading all the comments, it looks like more than one person has had a close call and thankfully gotten away. I used to run on the paved trails around the lakes in downtown Minneapolis. This was in the 70s, and it was mid-morning or after work. I want to say people were friendlier, but it was a better time. I remember when I would run up on someone or they me and ask if they could run with me... Now I'd be tased or sprayed ... The world has changed, and not for the better. I'm a male and wouldn't think about running after dark, even if I'm wearing neon green. Drivers are more aggressive, and even when I run on a bike path, I'm always looking ahead for the driver, trying to do too many things besides driving. For me, the best time to do my long run is about 6:30 am on a Sunday morning... a few cars, and it's still light enough to be seen. As for the homeless population, in this economy, it's going to get nothing but worse. Where I live, there are few shelters, and after dark, they move into the downtown areas to find places to sleep. Though I'm a male, I'm still cautious. People will mug you for your earbuds or phone. My wife used to bike next to me on my long runs then stopped... "Youn run too slow!" See what happens when you get older!!! LOL
I live in an older ok neighborhood in Las Vegas, but never, ever run alone or walk my dogs at night/in the dark. Even my husband doesn’t want to go out walking at night in our neighborhood.
I feel like I’ve been really lucky. In almost 22 years of running, I have only been chased by 1 homeless man. There have been the random cat calls, creepy lurkers, etc., but only 1 situation where I felt seriously threatened.
My hubby understands my fears & worries more for me than I do. I carry mace, but he wants me to carry a gun. He will ride his bike while I run or drive his truck alongside me at times when I have a bad feeling or I’m running on vacation in a new place. Someone once commented that him doing that was weird/over protective. I told them it’s my safety & my life. If I could hire a bodyguard to run with me, I would. How sad is that? Not everyone understands.
Because I’ve lived in this house for so long, I’ve gotten to know some of my neighbors I run by (I run around my neighborhood) & feel safer when I see them. They are always sweet & tell me to let them know if I see anything weird/have someone try anything. That helps. 👍🏼
Thank you for raising this and so many great comments already. I live near a river and would like to run there but feel too nervous as it’s very isolated and worry what could happen. so choose to run on pavements crossing traffic as I feel it would be “safer”. I feel angry sometimes I have to make that choice and run somewhere that’s less enjoyable. Like others have said I think Just being aware of the impact you may have on other runners without meaning to, whether it’s running to close to them or not giving them space. I like a friendly nod or wave , to give support but keeping distance.
We live in a very safe place in suburban/rural Texas, but I do carry "bear" spray for potential feral hogs. I have used it on aggressive dogs (VERY effective), and I would highly recommend it for use against 2 or 4 legged predators. Having seen the effect in using it several times, I feel pretty safe just about anywhere with it. (Full disclosure, I have no relationship to this company. It is UDAP.com, get the "Mugger Fogger" size. It is 4 ounces, and about $24.) This has stopped dogs several times for me.
I agree that it simply isn’t completely safe everywhere for running, particularly for certain people (e.g. women). And I don’t see that magic wand appearing anytime soon to fix it. So a couple of things I’d like men (or other people who don’t have the same fears or reasons to be wary) should know:
- when you’re going to pass me (esp there aren’t a lot of people around), please call out to me well in advance that you’re coming up to pass me (“on you’re left” works just fine). That way I know you’re there and we can both acknowledge your presence and I can give you room to pass without feeling like someone is chasing me or going to grab me.
- when I don’t want to engage with you, it’s nothing personal, just another way to keep my guard up and protect myself. That doesn’t make me a b**** or rude or some other unkind word. You know you are safe, but I don’t.
- if you notice some other person that is potentially threatening to me, be aware that your best way of helping me may still be at a distance, like just putting yourself in between us, rather than getting up close and “protective”. I can’t always tell if you’re part of the problem or part of the solution.
- and if you’re my friend, partner, etc and I tell you a story of my fear that seems overblown, recognize that not only is not overblown, but I’m probably understating it so as not to freak myself out more. I greatly appreciate just feeling heard.
This thread is already full of brilliant comments worth reading and I'm grateful to see it. One thing I want to add, and to see more of out there, is for runners to be allies to other runners who are in a fraught situation. It's similar to the good advice for intervening if you see someone harassing another person: try to disrupt the situation in order to diffuse and/or de-escalate it, pretend you know the person who's getting the unwanted attention, physically disrupt the space if you can, and try to disperse it.
On that note of unwanted attention, mostly what I wish more men knew about "running while female" is that even the littlest bit of attention while we're running can be unwanted, demoralizing, run-ruining, and threatening. Please make sure you read Victoria's comment in this thread about how even — I would add: especially — a well intentioned interaction can be terrifying for us.
I know I've essentially just asked for more attention (as in, please be aware and keep an eye out for all your fellow runners, and be an ally when you can) while ALSO wishing to be blissfully ignored while Running While Female In Public. I've spent so many miles upset (usually after some unwanted attention) and wondering how this could just be not a thing we deal with as a fact of running, but I usually come back to this: just remember we're all on the same team, and try to act like that and be excellent to each other, because really, we're all a little vulnerable out there.
Terrell, as usual thank for bringing this topic to the forefront. I think what men can learn, is by reading all of the comments. The amount of effort, time and energy women devote to their safety is on the one hand absurd and ridiculous that we have to; on the other hand it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY for our very survival. And even then, some, Eliza and others don't. Just last weekend, at 11 AM on a Saturday a woman was assaulted on an upper Manhattan (NYC) regular running trail, usually well populated ~ so upsetting. I run mostly alone. The ones that bother me the most are our rail trails, which I love, but can be isolating. I have made a decision for myself, and only speaking for me, that I will run those trails with the necessary precautions. Running is my savior, without it I'm not sure where I would be. Sending love to all my fellow female runners...stay safe out there, please.
I guess I've been lucky. I've run solo for a long time. Even though we have a homeless problem here, and, I suppose, an addiction problem, the community council and the police actively take care of it. I've been told by homeless gentlemen and by the pastor, that the big church by me is a safe space. There are numerous safe spaces located around town. . . I see signs for them. More often than not, though, I get warned about feral pigs and bears than humans!
I do live in a city that may be considered upscale. The residents here are well-behaved, caring. and considered a bit uptight. It is unusual. I feel for those who have to run early or late or on city streets. I do know there is safety in numbers and know of some running groups (only women) in AZ.
Eventually it may work itself out. Discussion on problems in our society helps, as this one. It's little observations that build into big ones and it snowballs from there. . .Look at the MeToo movement. It has done wonders for women.:)
There is so much to this and it all feels just so fraught. As a mom of two kids under 4 often the only time I can run is early morning or late at night. I always tell my wife where I’m going, and only listen to podcasts with one earbud in. I’m never fully “present” for a run during those times because I’m always aware of my surroundings and any sounds out of the ordinary. I try to avoid or run around parked cars and it all adds such a heavy layer to a run. I also try to switch up some aspects of my runs just in case.
I did a trail 50k, but didn’t run any trails in training because my gut was telling me that there wasn’t anytime I could run the trails safely. Even training can be different for people that present as women.
I also can’t help but acknowledge my relative privilege of my height combined with being white as something too. I present femme, but as a queer person, this is also a factor in my safety in certain areas that is always in the back of my mind.
Thank you, Terrell, for bringing this up with such care ♥️
There are so many issues here that are so difficult to solve. I stopped running on the two bike paths near me because I saw many homeless people there that were obviously either mentally ill or under the influence. More than once, I had threatening behavior directed at me, but it was never bad enough for me to stop running there. Then I had a man that worked at a park that is adjacent to the bike path warn me with so much fear in his own eyes, that he convinced me to stop. What he said was that not even he or the other men in his crew would venture down there. This is sad, but I know that as a nurse, mental illness and drug addiction is a huge problem in our area, and probably all over the country. Most homeless people are harmless and they need a place to stay, so moving them from that area would only cause a problem somewhere else, but, some of the mentally ill and drug addicted people are dangerous, and there are not enough resources for them either. Obviously, there is no fast, easy solution to this.
BUT, I think that Terrell's point here is not so much how we can make women safer as such, but to maybe give a little understanding to men about what we have to think about that they do not.
So, I think the best thing I can say is this: never blame the victim. Do not say things like, she should not have been running: alone, in the dark, in that part of town, the same route, OR, she should have: carried mace, a gun, taken self-defense classes, fought harder. These statements are not only not helpful, it also blames the woman for what someone else does to her. If you as men do not have to go through all this trouble to go for a run, why do you expect us to do so. I think if we start with that way of thinking, it'll help put the focus on the correct solution.
I also want to add that there is another experience we go through that is not so much dangerous as uncomfortable and annoying. I have an area near a park where I go park my car when I go on a run/Elliptigo. It is a very pretty and convenient place to park for free, but I often choose another area or think twice about parking there because there is a man that often parks there who is too interested in me. His conversation is a little more than friendly, and he makes me feel uncomfortable. This type of behavior as well as cars slowing down with a driver/passenger sticking his head out and staring or commenting or whistling is also something most men don't have to worry about and many excuse as being complimentary. It is not and we shouldn't have to change our behavior because of it.
A couple decades ago, I jogged to the top of Rattlesnake Canyon Trail and arrived at a winding mountain road overlooking Santa Barbara. I perched on a large rock to enjoy the view for a few minutes. Soon, a man in a new truck pulled up beside me and rolled down his passenger window. He asked me the time. I told him, but thought it strange, thinking that a new truck would have a clock. He drove further down the road and pulled over. Immediately, I heard his wheels screech as he spun his truck around barreled back up the hill. I jumped off the rock onto the road and tried to get to the trailhead. I realized I wouldn’t get there in time. So I leapt off the edge of the road down the steep slope and slid in the chaparral next to a tree directly beneath the gravely surface of the road’s edge. He raced up, hitting a loose gravel sign, and stopped. He got out of his truck, walked around on the gravel, it crunching right above me. He started swearing, and thank God, failed to see me. He took off back down the hill in his truck after a minute or so. I waited for a bit then ran as fast as it ever had down the trail. I’m grateful for my fast thinking, and that I’m alive and avoided hell on earth. The two legged animals are the most dangerous in my experience, not the four legged ones.
I am now more cautious. I never run the same route more than once a week. I now have a dog and run with him. I run in the dark mornings in my neighborhood all the time. But now, with my dog. I’ve often carried pepper spray in the palm of my hand. I avoid running beside vans and other vehicles or objects that I feel pose risk. I’ll go to the middle of the street or across it. Do I wish it were safe? Absolutely yes. But, it’s not. How to fix it? Don’t blame the victims is a great start. We need to value women as equals at every part, stage, and venue of life. I’d love to be more involved in changing this dynamic affecting women and runners and I’m happy you asked this question!
Before retiring! I used to walk my two dogs before daylight and I felt reasonably safe, as I live in a relatively safe neighborhood. But now, I won’t go out before sun up and especially to run alone. I’ve searched for a running buddy, since I lost mine 4 years ago, but it hasn’t happened, so I’m always on my own. No way I’ll go in the dark, even in my “safe” neighborhood. I don’t know the solution. There will always be those who prey on others. So sad.
Once when I was training for a marathon I was running through a suburban neighborhood I knew well in what is known to be a "very safe" city. It was a Saturday afternoon and kids were playing outside on their front lawns and biking up and down the street as their parents watched them and did chores. I was having a lovely time cruising down the streets taking in all the wonderful sights and listening to children laughing and bicycle pedals clicking and clunking and chains rattling and lawnmowers roaring. Then, all of the sudden a bicyclist came up behind me quickly, then moved sharply, just inches from me to my right, and slowed down. I raised my hand abruptly in an attempt to defend myself from what I was sure was someone trying to abduct me in broad daylight when I looked at him (to try to commit his appearance to memory) and realized it was my partner who had happened to see me while on a bike ride and simply wanted to say hello. I immediately stopped running and choked back tears while telling him how much he scared me, how he could never do something like that again. He was completely shocked; all he had wanted to do was surprise me, not realizing how terrifying *my* experience would be. The moment illuminated for him - someone who thought he understood issues like women's safety, someone who wasn't a complete idiot about the subject, who knew that society needed to do more to keep women and girls safe - how much he took for granted while running and while being a man.
I've been running since 1983 and my first marathon was the Women's 10K around Central Park. Hence, that is where I ran everyday. To this day, I run alone and given the alarming rate of women runners at risk, I choose to run in public parks when there are other people around. I also run country roads and along busy streets when the sun is out and there is a fair amount of traffic. I would like to think because I've been running all these years, I know where it is safe to run. But no. We need to be mindful that the unexpected happens in the most obscure places. As runners, we may have speed and stamina but we are not invincible.
For me I only run in public places. I won’t run alone in more remote places. I am also aware of my surroundings. For long runs especially. That being said running with a group is best for many reasons but especially for safety. This issue of safety for women keeps coming up and unfairly women have to remain wary and vigilant when men don’t always have to be as careful. Talking to my brother about this years ago exposed how much he didn’t realize about the differences between solo running for men and women.
As a Dad of two precious grown daughters who love getting out on Nature’s trails to walk or jog alone, I implore them to find a walking/running partner for their daily excursions. Easier said than done given so many variables in scheduling etc. I am all ears for practical suggestions. Self-defense courses may save one’s life, but to be worried each time you step on the trail for a solitary run, quickly extinguishes the joy. Having a dog as a companion may deter a would be attacker but can be distracting if the dog is not well trained. Trade offs abound and regretfully compromises will probably need to be made if women are to safely run outdoors solo. I wish it were otherwise and I pray one day it will. Eons from now? I hope not.
This is a societal problem and it is sad that one must seriously consider safety from violent crime when going out for a run. I’m not female but until we get serious about locking up criminals the risk to all of us is increasing. You can have compassion for violent criminals if you so choose but keep them in jail to protect law abiding citizens.
I also look forward to the comments here. In western Washington the trails are abundant but now lined with homeless camps and individuals. I run with mace, but now I stick to main roads and forego enjoying the beauty of our parks and forests. My husband wants me to run with a gun lol!
This really hit home for me today. In 1 month two women have gone missing near where I live in a very “safe” community in Arizona. I am looking forward to seeing the ideas discussed in these comments. We have so many beautiful trails to run and we as women are truly at risk running them.