There are so many issues here that are so difficult to solve. I stopped running on the two bike paths near me because I saw many homeless people there that were obviously either mentally ill or under the influence. More than once, I had threatening behavior directed at me, but it was never bad enough for me to stop running there. Then I …
There are so many issues here that are so difficult to solve. I stopped running on the two bike paths near me because I saw many homeless people there that were obviously either mentally ill or under the influence. More than once, I had threatening behavior directed at me, but it was never bad enough for me to stop running there. Then I had a man that worked at a park that is adjacent to the bike path warn me with so much fear in his own eyes, that he convinced me to stop. What he said was that not even he or the other men in his crew would venture down there. This is sad, but I know that as a nurse, mental illness and drug addiction is a huge problem in our area, and probably all over the country. Most homeless people are harmless and they need a place to stay, so moving them from that area would only cause a problem somewhere else, but, some of the mentally ill and drug addicted people are dangerous, and there are not enough resources for them either. Obviously, there is no fast, easy solution to this.
BUT, I think that Terrell's point here is not so much how we can make women safer as such, but to maybe give a little understanding to men about what we have to think about that they do not.
So, I think the best thing I can say is this: never blame the victim. Do not say things like, she should not have been running: alone, in the dark, in that part of town, the same route, OR, she should have: carried mace, a gun, taken self-defense classes, fought harder. These statements are not only not helpful, it also blames the woman for what someone else does to her. If you as men do not have to go through all this trouble to go for a run, why do you expect us to do so. I think if we start with that way of thinking, it'll help put the focus on the correct solution.
I also want to add that there is another experience we go through that is not so much dangerous as uncomfortable and annoying. I have an area near a park where I go park my car when I go on a run/Elliptigo. It is a very pretty and convenient place to park for free, but I often choose another area or think twice about parking there because there is a man that often parks there who is too interested in me. His conversation is a little more than friendly, and he makes me feel uncomfortable. This type of behavior as well as cars slowing down with a driver/passenger sticking his head out and staring or commenting or whistling is also something most men don't have to worry about and many excuse as being complimentary. It is not and we shouldn't have to change our behavior because of it.
When my wife and I see this reported on the news, I say, “Men are pigs.” I believe men are wired differently and the long term (generational) solution is that society must change and begin to raise kids to have more respect for one another … period.
Dave, this is EXACTLY what I mean when I say focusing on the actual problem will help find the correct solution. If we stop saying what women should do, then we look at the actual problem which is that for too many years, centuries, millennia, it has been looked at as "ok" for men to behave a certain way towards women. Laws help deter many from bad behavior, but they don't work as well as societal norms. As long as we continue to think that women are to blame for the bad behavior of men, then men will feel excused for behaving in certain ways. Men need to be taught as boys that only they decide how they behave under any circumstances.
There are so many issues here that are so difficult to solve. I stopped running on the two bike paths near me because I saw many homeless people there that were obviously either mentally ill or under the influence. More than once, I had threatening behavior directed at me, but it was never bad enough for me to stop running there. Then I had a man that worked at a park that is adjacent to the bike path warn me with so much fear in his own eyes, that he convinced me to stop. What he said was that not even he or the other men in his crew would venture down there. This is sad, but I know that as a nurse, mental illness and drug addiction is a huge problem in our area, and probably all over the country. Most homeless people are harmless and they need a place to stay, so moving them from that area would only cause a problem somewhere else, but, some of the mentally ill and drug addicted people are dangerous, and there are not enough resources for them either. Obviously, there is no fast, easy solution to this.
BUT, I think that Terrell's point here is not so much how we can make women safer as such, but to maybe give a little understanding to men about what we have to think about that they do not.
So, I think the best thing I can say is this: never blame the victim. Do not say things like, she should not have been running: alone, in the dark, in that part of town, the same route, OR, she should have: carried mace, a gun, taken self-defense classes, fought harder. These statements are not only not helpful, it also blames the woman for what someone else does to her. If you as men do not have to go through all this trouble to go for a run, why do you expect us to do so. I think if we start with that way of thinking, it'll help put the focus on the correct solution.
I also want to add that there is another experience we go through that is not so much dangerous as uncomfortable and annoying. I have an area near a park where I go park my car when I go on a run/Elliptigo. It is a very pretty and convenient place to park for free, but I often choose another area or think twice about parking there because there is a man that often parks there who is too interested in me. His conversation is a little more than friendly, and he makes me feel uncomfortable. This type of behavior as well as cars slowing down with a driver/passenger sticking his head out and staring or commenting or whistling is also something most men don't have to worry about and many excuse as being complimentary. It is not and we shouldn't have to change our behavior because of it.
When my wife and I see this reported on the news, I say, “Men are pigs.” I believe men are wired differently and the long term (generational) solution is that society must change and begin to raise kids to have more respect for one another … period.
Dave, this is EXACTLY what I mean when I say focusing on the actual problem will help find the correct solution. If we stop saying what women should do, then we look at the actual problem which is that for too many years, centuries, millennia, it has been looked at as "ok" for men to behave a certain way towards women. Laws help deter many from bad behavior, but they don't work as well as societal norms. As long as we continue to think that women are to blame for the bad behavior of men, then men will feel excused for behaving in certain ways. Men need to be taught as boys that only they decide how they behave under any circumstances.
Thank you, Maria!
Amen to everything you wrote above, Maria 🙌