My oldest went to college 2 years ago and honestly I was a mess. It was strange because I sincerely wanted her to go and have a big beautiful life. I wasn't sad that she was leaving, I was sad because somewhere along the way she grew up. And yet I love my grown up Molly, she is amazing and she is going to have adventures and mess and all the things. The grief is that she will never seamlessly fold into our lives the way she did before, and while that is okay and honest, it's an end.
I mistakenly thought if I were one of those people that actually cherished those sweet times, that maybe the grief wouldn't hit me so hard. But it did. However, the grief did not show up with regret for which I'm thankful for.
Whether bringing them to preschool/kinder for the first time or sending them off to college (or wherever) it's a series of goodbyes.
Be kind to your heart. Loving these kids as much as we do is wonderful and terrifying. <3
I totally agree with you Terrell that it feels like the end is coming. After reading your post it hit me that I/we (my family), had that same experience when our oldest went to college and he’s been out of college now for well, to really think of it at least 4/5 years already; WOW! I hadn’t thought of this in a while. Our daughter is now a Jr in college and we have two more boys who will be out of the house and into college a year apart from each other.
Well, one has only a month of high school left and we’ll be reliving this again, and while each child is different and their experiences are different, I think for my husband and I, it will be the same thoughts that we will have. We will leave as a family of four and take that journey from packing to driving, to drop of, to lunch, to checking all the boxes before we head back home as a family of three. He will come home as his siblings before him did but, but it will remain just the 3 of us until it’s time for our last to head off and take his own journey.
As parents we equip them with the tools they will need to navigate a world that is so vast yet so small as the will make connections and have experiences beyond their dreams, and our hope is that we prepared then well. We will be joyful with them in their success and grieve in their trials, knowing they can handle it. As I write this I’m getting emotional. It a bittersweet moment, one that is a right of passage for them and for us as parents. WOW!
I just completed (4 days) ago the London Marathon and I did that 6 days after completing Boston. I never in my wildest dreams thought I could/ would ever run a single marathon yet here I am having now completed 4/6. It wasn’t easy but I was prepared for it and it was a lesson to me and our children that goals are achievable, but it requires training, patience, grace and time. I feel great after doing back to back and I know that I will feel even better as the days of recovery go on, and so too will we feel better as our children continue on. Time makes all things better.
Thank you for sharing your experience which reminded me of my own and how quickly time flies and that we really ought to stop and smell the roses. All the best as you enjoy the beautiful sounds of life.
Terrell, first, beautifully written. I remember when I went to college my father was way more emotional than my mom! I don’t know if she was just ready for me to be out of the house or what but either way, I’ve always been super close with dad! I lost my father 16 years ago suddenly and I still talk to him everyday!!
My husband and I were unable to
Have kids but I’ve seen plenty of friends go through the college process. One thing I always hear them refer to after that is how messy their children are! When your daughter returns for the holidays or the summer don’t be surprised if you catch yourself anxious for her to go back. As much as this is a disruption to the normal routine, you will develop a new routine with your son and wife that will feel a bit off when she returns. Sadly I think it’s just the process of life...
Such a beautiful essay Terrell! My parents will also be sending my sister off to college this year. It will be an empty nest and the dog only, this comes at such a right time for them too
Bittersweet times to be sure. That transition at the dinner table is real (we went from a family of five down to three (twins). That was a hard transition. Enjoy all the moments you have.
Loved your projection of leaving your daughter at college. I guess that is how it is for most parents. Personally, I think mine were happy to be rid of me for a week at a time. The University I went to (UNR) was only 80 miles away-- a grocery trip to the store in Reno. Either my dad.. in his 53 yellow and black Dodge pick-up or he and my mom in the 59 Ford Galaxie came to get me every week and take me home to the Valley.
It was totally different with me and my daughter. As I mentioned before, my husband loved to drink and spend time at the bar. Since he told us to go fend for ourselves we did and never looked back. I was some how able to enroll my daughter and myself at the North Dakota College of Science for the measly $200 I had l saved from cleaning the Lutheran Church (thank God for Student Loans and grants!). We went to school together, living in a student apartment and doing work-study in the College Library. We both graduated together 2 years later. We have lived together ever since and made it admirably well.
Sooo. . . all I can derive from the comments is we are an anomaly, but life is different for everyone. We all have to take it as it comes and roll with the punches. :)
A beautiful essay, fellow older dad (first at 41, second coming soon at 44). I'm some years from having to drop kids off at University, but it has made me think a lot about how life with kids is just a series of goodbyes, some small, some massive. Already, I've had to say goodbye to some things about my daughter's life I wasn't ready to. I'm sure the day she leaves home I'm going to be a mess.
Made me think of the experience from the other side too. What was it like for my mum and dad when their household became a family of three for the first time? I've never considered that, but you have me imagining that first dinner
Really enjoyed this. I'm not a parent but that feeling of latching onto a moment really struck a cord with me. I am a Firefighter and every morning before i head to work i kiss my wife goodbye, and as she is sound asleep I cant help but admire how much love I have for this woman. This happens every 3rd day when I go back in. Thanks for sharing this Terrell
What an excellent perspective on the soon to be "empty nest". The truly remarkable thing I take away from this is that you were completely in touch with the moment and realized for what it was. many people miss these in significant moments that are very significant. as a recent empty nester (3 years now), I think to two phrases about parenthood that I have heard and shared over the years. "the time between kindergarten and graduation feels like five minutes" then the one that is very true is "little kids little problems big kids big problems" not necessarily problems but events and circumstances that they will come back to you and never let you forget your a parent. The reward or medal we get as parents is a participation trophy to be included in graduations, weddings, relationships, break ups, job search's, moving out of state, moving back in state and home, etc. However, like any great training plan there is the finish line and the silver blanket and banana, Grand Children. Enjoy the journey.
Beautifully written and so true, Terrell! That is a big deal and a BIG adjustment indeed. I hope you and your family have lots more of those moments before your daughter leaves for college, and moments like that after she leaves the nest will just be that much sweeter.
WOW. I get that the description of the day that she goes to college is playing out in your mind only. Please consider this, this is an even bigger event in her life and she does not appear as an active participant.
The goal here is a strong independent adult who chooses to share her life with you. One day she will have to stand without you and she must be strong enough to do so for her own family.
My oldest went to college 2 years ago and honestly I was a mess. It was strange because I sincerely wanted her to go and have a big beautiful life. I wasn't sad that she was leaving, I was sad because somewhere along the way she grew up. And yet I love my grown up Molly, she is amazing and she is going to have adventures and mess and all the things. The grief is that she will never seamlessly fold into our lives the way she did before, and while that is okay and honest, it's an end.
I mistakenly thought if I were one of those people that actually cherished those sweet times, that maybe the grief wouldn't hit me so hard. But it did. However, the grief did not show up with regret for which I'm thankful for.
Whether bringing them to preschool/kinder for the first time or sending them off to college (or wherever) it's a series of goodbyes.
Be kind to your heart. Loving these kids as much as we do is wonderful and terrifying. <3
Parenthood is bittersweet, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
I totally agree with you Terrell that it feels like the end is coming. After reading your post it hit me that I/we (my family), had that same experience when our oldest went to college and he’s been out of college now for well, to really think of it at least 4/5 years already; WOW! I hadn’t thought of this in a while. Our daughter is now a Jr in college and we have two more boys who will be out of the house and into college a year apart from each other.
Well, one has only a month of high school left and we’ll be reliving this again, and while each child is different and their experiences are different, I think for my husband and I, it will be the same thoughts that we will have. We will leave as a family of four and take that journey from packing to driving, to drop of, to lunch, to checking all the boxes before we head back home as a family of three. He will come home as his siblings before him did but, but it will remain just the 3 of us until it’s time for our last to head off and take his own journey.
As parents we equip them with the tools they will need to navigate a world that is so vast yet so small as the will make connections and have experiences beyond their dreams, and our hope is that we prepared then well. We will be joyful with them in their success and grieve in their trials, knowing they can handle it. As I write this I’m getting emotional. It a bittersweet moment, one that is a right of passage for them and for us as parents. WOW!
I just completed (4 days) ago the London Marathon and I did that 6 days after completing Boston. I never in my wildest dreams thought I could/ would ever run a single marathon yet here I am having now completed 4/6. It wasn’t easy but I was prepared for it and it was a lesson to me and our children that goals are achievable, but it requires training, patience, grace and time. I feel great after doing back to back and I know that I will feel even better as the days of recovery go on, and so too will we feel better as our children continue on. Time makes all things better.
Thank you for sharing your experience which reminded me of my own and how quickly time flies and that we really ought to stop and smell the roses. All the best as you enjoy the beautiful sounds of life.
Chrylann, from Boston.
Terrell, first, beautifully written. I remember when I went to college my father was way more emotional than my mom! I don’t know if she was just ready for me to be out of the house or what but either way, I’ve always been super close with dad! I lost my father 16 years ago suddenly and I still talk to him everyday!!
My husband and I were unable to
Have kids but I’ve seen plenty of friends go through the college process. One thing I always hear them refer to after that is how messy their children are! When your daughter returns for the holidays or the summer don’t be surprised if you catch yourself anxious for her to go back. As much as this is a disruption to the normal routine, you will develop a new routine with your son and wife that will feel a bit off when she returns. Sadly I think it’s just the process of life...
Such a beautiful essay Terrell! My parents will also be sending my sister off to college this year. It will be an empty nest and the dog only, this comes at such a right time for them too
Bittersweet times to be sure. That transition at the dinner table is real (we went from a family of five down to three (twins). That was a hard transition. Enjoy all the moments you have.
I’m not ready!!!!!! I don’t envy you!!!!!
Loved your projection of leaving your daughter at college. I guess that is how it is for most parents. Personally, I think mine were happy to be rid of me for a week at a time. The University I went to (UNR) was only 80 miles away-- a grocery trip to the store in Reno. Either my dad.. in his 53 yellow and black Dodge pick-up or he and my mom in the 59 Ford Galaxie came to get me every week and take me home to the Valley.
It was totally different with me and my daughter. As I mentioned before, my husband loved to drink and spend time at the bar. Since he told us to go fend for ourselves we did and never looked back. I was some how able to enroll my daughter and myself at the North Dakota College of Science for the measly $200 I had l saved from cleaning the Lutheran Church (thank God for Student Loans and grants!). We went to school together, living in a student apartment and doing work-study in the College Library. We both graduated together 2 years later. We have lived together ever since and made it admirably well.
Sooo. . . all I can derive from the comments is we are an anomaly, but life is different for everyone. We all have to take it as it comes and roll with the punches. :)
A beautiful essay, fellow older dad (first at 41, second coming soon at 44). I'm some years from having to drop kids off at University, but it has made me think a lot about how life with kids is just a series of goodbyes, some small, some massive. Already, I've had to say goodbye to some things about my daughter's life I wasn't ready to. I'm sure the day she leaves home I'm going to be a mess.
Made me think of the experience from the other side too. What was it like for my mum and dad when their household became a family of three for the first time? I've never considered that, but you have me imagining that first dinner
Really enjoyed this. I'm not a parent but that feeling of latching onto a moment really struck a cord with me. I am a Firefighter and every morning before i head to work i kiss my wife goodbye, and as she is sound asleep I cant help but admire how much love I have for this woman. This happens every 3rd day when I go back in. Thanks for sharing this Terrell
🥺
I’m not crying! You’re crying!
What an excellent perspective on the soon to be "empty nest". The truly remarkable thing I take away from this is that you were completely in touch with the moment and realized for what it was. many people miss these in significant moments that are very significant. as a recent empty nester (3 years now), I think to two phrases about parenthood that I have heard and shared over the years. "the time between kindergarten and graduation feels like five minutes" then the one that is very true is "little kids little problems big kids big problems" not necessarily problems but events and circumstances that they will come back to you and never let you forget your a parent. The reward or medal we get as parents is a participation trophy to be included in graduations, weddings, relationships, break ups, job search's, moving out of state, moving back in state and home, etc. However, like any great training plan there is the finish line and the silver blanket and banana, Grand Children. Enjoy the journey.
way to start my morning. With a heart that is full but also a bit broken. This story relates to mine a lot. It's definitely bittersweet.
Beautifully written and so true, Terrell! That is a big deal and a BIG adjustment indeed. I hope you and your family have lots more of those moments before your daughter leaves for college, and moments like that after she leaves the nest will just be that much sweeter.
WOW. I get that the description of the day that she goes to college is playing out in your mind only. Please consider this, this is an even bigger event in her life and she does not appear as an active participant.
The goal here is a strong independent adult who chooses to share her life with you. One day she will have to stand without you and she must be strong enough to do so for her own family.
oh terrell this was so sad and happy at the same time.