This really strikes close to home right now. I’ve been running marathons for 30 years and ultras for 23. I’ve never been competitive but held my own. I got into running as an adult to get healthy and off Lipitor but became enthralled. Ultimately I retired at 52 to give myself the time to train and go to those races on my bucket list, culminating with Badwater last year.
But now I am on deck for hip replacement surgery. Outlook is good and biking and swimming g will be back on the schedule but my first love, running may not. It is also disorienting to not have an event on the schedule to aim for. It is not a bad thing. It is a time for reflection and exploration, asking myself what is next. But it is a mystery to be unraveled and as such constitutes an unknowable phase shift.
So very true. I didn't start running until 55. My new friend, Lupus, has had me readjusting, and re-evaluating. I let it take control for a while, but my competitiveness finally rose to the surface again and is taking on the challenge of "we will do what we can, while we can." Change and aging Bites! Good luck with hip. I had my knee replaced, then came the lupus, and I've been in my rut for over a year. I am looking forward to hopefully being able to do another 5k at 66. Small goals.
As the ultra adage says, easiest thing I. The world. Just one step at a time. I will admit there are drawbacks to aging bet there are a lot of wonderful things too. Lupus is rough. I am sorry to hear that.
I can totally imagine/understand where you're coming from, Charles. I actually have three friends, all my age (early 50s) who are going through the same or similar things as you -- and another in his early 40s who just had hip surgery. It's definitely a time for reflection and exploration, as you say -- can I get back to where I was? I know that's what my friends who have just, or are about to, go through surgery want. It's so, so challenging, emotionally and mentally as well as physically.
Badwater was… well… everything? It was such a sense of accomplishment, relief, gratitude and team appreciation crossing the finish line. During the race there were blissfully beautiful moments, great camaraderie between runners, soulful solitude, pain, hopelessness, redemption. Before it began, nervousness,anticipation, fear, hope and disbelief.
I wrote a 17 page write-up immediately afterwards and will do a full blog post updating it at some point.
This really struck home with me. Recently, (the past 2 years) I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that affects my rheumatoid arthritis. The bouts of exhaustion, muscle and joint pain, has curbed my enthusiasm for my happy place of running, also my stress reliever. On good days I tried to push on and walk, but it became so sporadic and frustrating. Without the fitness, and depression, so came the weight gain. It's just been a vicious cycle. It's so hard to "dial it back"--that's just not me. I am 66, so not a spring chicken anyway, but I loved doing races with my grandkids, I was the cool grandmama that does stuff other grandmama's don't do. (or parents) My "funk" has given me a new and different challenge---is it going to beat me? Or can I just readjust? I'm too competitive to just cave in, so after my months long "pity party", I've been on my new path. Healthier eating (again), and the treadmill and elliptical and I are getting reacquainted. Change is hard. We enjoy things the way they are and settle in. Raising kids and seeing them grow up takes the wind out of our sails too. When my children became adults and one of my daughters missed our family christmas (she was getting engaged to her husband and cruising with his family), everything changed after that point. We struggle with letting them grow up. Last Christmas I spent home alone with the dogs, we slept late, (husband was at work,) we'd prepared breakfast casserole the night before, one daughter and her family were on their new tradition of Christmas cruise, the other lives 300 miles away and has their family traditions, and eldest daughter lives closer, but has her own family too. I often wonder if the changes for them starting their new traditions bother them as they do us old folks? I doubt it since they are creating new traditions and we've just lost our old ones. It's time to move forward though. Another phase in family, health and fitness, just everything has to be modified. Some phases are more of a struggle than others though---but life goes on and so must we.
Everything you've written here really touched me, RNEverette (I hope I've gotten your name right!). I can totally, totally understand where you're coming from -- and I imagine my own parents felt the same way when I started my family; I've been thinking a lot about what it will be like when our kids are fully grown up and out on their own, even though it's years away. I can totally see moments like this in my future, perhaps. You're so, so right -- life goes on, and so must we.
I will confess that it was hard allowing them to grow up and move to adulting. But, when they are successful we know that we did a good job as parents. It really is a double edge sword. We put that happy, proud parent smile, and quell the ache in our heart. Enjoy your littles now; they have so much to teach us. (I teach middle schoolers) Regina E
Oh, Terrell..this hits home......At some point in the future, if I don't (after making this next set of revisions) get an agent and a publishing deal, I'll have to leave this novel behind. So what I've done--also what I did when I hung up my CEO identity (you know, the one where you kinda still "matter"--at least superficially) and opted for this other life--I had to 1) Grieve 2) Focus on what I got out of the experience and celebrate all of it. Like for reals, celebrate it. 3) Look ahead to how I might leverage it into something new and potentially even MORE wonderful. But reconciling the grief part for me is always a critical part of the process. When I short change that, I'm sunk because the healing isn't allowed to take flight.
This is so insightful, Diana. And it's so interesting that, even when you make choices (like leaving your CEO role) that you wanted to make, there's still a grieving process, of letting go. I've experienced that too, in my own life -- leaving jobs I (thought!) wanted to leave, or letting go of projects, only to be stirred later on by regrets of leaving them. I really like what you have to say about this being a "critical part of the process" -- it really is, and I've probably short-circuited that at different times in my life.
Also: have you thought about self-publishing, if the agent thing doesn't work out?
Sometimes "losses" are necessary if one is to reach their potential. The problem is we never know how long we have the gift of life and therefore we resist, deny, and procrastinate our lives away. The sooner one comes to terms with mortality, the easier it is to
How do you handle these moments in life, when you have to choose whether it’s time to leave something important to you behind and move on? (I copied this into my response so I could read and reread the question while coming up with a response!). Sending the kids to college was not a decision … more of a no-brainer! Deciding when to call it a day and retire from my 52-year career … that was a toughy!
My wife’s retirement made my decision to retire pretty easy but the gravity of the “life transition” made this obvious decision hard. Of course, doing all the “down time “ stuff on any day I wanted was a great motivator. Leaving behind a team of associates whom I worked with for decades made leaving tough.
Regarding your ”Santa Claus” event, I am sure you and your son will look back on it fondly.
OMG this hits hard! I’m a day or two late in responding but I actually caught my breath reading this. I relate to the comments Diane made about leaving her CEO identity behind. As I’m contemplating retirement next year, there is a bit, no a lot of anxiety at times of losing my identity. I have been in medical device sales for 24 years and have built many lasting professional as well as personal relationships with doctors, nurses and others. I wonder often how I am going to managed the sudden loss of all my daily interactions. I have people tell me all the time that “I’m not allowed to retire” and although that makes me feel good, it also makes me sad…..I know there will be a grieving that will take place and yes, celebration for all the work I’ve done over the years. I can’t help think though about what kind of impact I’ve really had in my field and on others. I know I will find other things to do thus my transition to trail running….slower and definitely more contemplative…..the phrase Happy Trails will being a whole new meaning to me for sure! I believe the only way through this life cycle will be one day at a time.
It will! I can totally relate to what you're saying, Karen -- I'm not yet where you are in my own day-to-day career, but I've experienced something similar in other parts of my life. It's really hard! Thank you so much for sharing all of this... how is the trail running going, by the way?
Good! Two weeks from today is my first 50K😬the nerves are starting to kick in but my main goal is to have fun and finish! I’m shooting for 8 .5 hours to complete it based on my training block….we shall see! Heading out soon for a 3 hour day on the trails.
The regret post and this one really got to me pretty hard. I haven’t responded yet because I’ve been trying to figure it out. I use running as kind of a get away or a reset or sometimes just to burn off anger, frustration, anxiety or whatever. I started in my mid forties (totally wish I had started sooner) I guess my biggest regret is no kids. Not for lack of trying it just wasn’t in the cards. I spent years intermittently completely devastated by it. At this point it’s just a dull ache but I suppose it will always be there. Anyway that’s my biggest regret but it’s all a learning experience so kinda like running just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Cheers guys you all seem pretty awesome
Very well said, Clark! I happened to see a video clip of J.R.R. Tolkein the other day, in which he explained that every story is, in some way, about coming to terms with exactly that. Very, very true.
At the age of 90 my maternal Grandfather told me he felt life "was but a dream". He was a man who worked hard and slept little and accomplished much. I have been trying to better understand why he felt life is but a "dream". He certainly wasn't on automatic pilot but perhaps he felt his legacy should have had more gravitas? We tend to float, merrily, merrily, gently down the stream. I guess the question is what do we choose to leave in our wake? Ripples that will help repair our world or were we here just for the ride? Funny how this question has haunted me all my life..
Terrell - this has me a bit choked up this morning. Beautifully written and illustrated. Love this: “The life we learn with… and the life we live with after that.” So wise. I had the great good fortune of seeing Kipchoge in the Berlin marathon in 2022, twice! (Only managed to see my husband once - haha.) He’s a GOAT for sure.
Change, and moving on, are hard. In the midst of a big one now - clearing out our house where we’ve lived for 20+ years, downsizing. It’s wrenching and exhilarating and quite a roller coaster. Thank goodness for running.
This really strikes close to home right now. I’ve been running marathons for 30 years and ultras for 23. I’ve never been competitive but held my own. I got into running as an adult to get healthy and off Lipitor but became enthralled. Ultimately I retired at 52 to give myself the time to train and go to those races on my bucket list, culminating with Badwater last year.
But now I am on deck for hip replacement surgery. Outlook is good and biking and swimming g will be back on the schedule but my first love, running may not. It is also disorienting to not have an event on the schedule to aim for. It is not a bad thing. It is a time for reflection and exploration, asking myself what is next. But it is a mystery to be unraveled and as such constitutes an unknowable phase shift.
So very true. I didn't start running until 55. My new friend, Lupus, has had me readjusting, and re-evaluating. I let it take control for a while, but my competitiveness finally rose to the surface again and is taking on the challenge of "we will do what we can, while we can." Change and aging Bites! Good luck with hip. I had my knee replaced, then came the lupus, and I've been in my rut for over a year. I am looking forward to hopefully being able to do another 5k at 66. Small goals.
As the ultra adage says, easiest thing I. The world. Just one step at a time. I will admit there are drawbacks to aging bet there are a lot of wonderful things too. Lupus is rough. I am sorry to hear that.
I can totally imagine/understand where you're coming from, Charles. I actually have three friends, all my age (early 50s) who are going through the same or similar things as you -- and another in his early 40s who just had hip surgery. It's definitely a time for reflection and exploration, as you say -- can I get back to where I was? I know that's what my friends who have just, or are about to, go through surgery want. It's so, so challenging, emotionally and mentally as well as physically.
How was Badwater, by the way?
Badwater was… well… everything? It was such a sense of accomplishment, relief, gratitude and team appreciation crossing the finish line. During the race there were blissfully beautiful moments, great camaraderie between runners, soulful solitude, pain, hopelessness, redemption. Before it began, nervousness,anticipation, fear, hope and disbelief.
I wrote a 17 page write-up immediately afterwards and will do a full blog post updating it at some point.
This really struck home with me. Recently, (the past 2 years) I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that affects my rheumatoid arthritis. The bouts of exhaustion, muscle and joint pain, has curbed my enthusiasm for my happy place of running, also my stress reliever. On good days I tried to push on and walk, but it became so sporadic and frustrating. Without the fitness, and depression, so came the weight gain. It's just been a vicious cycle. It's so hard to "dial it back"--that's just not me. I am 66, so not a spring chicken anyway, but I loved doing races with my grandkids, I was the cool grandmama that does stuff other grandmama's don't do. (or parents) My "funk" has given me a new and different challenge---is it going to beat me? Or can I just readjust? I'm too competitive to just cave in, so after my months long "pity party", I've been on my new path. Healthier eating (again), and the treadmill and elliptical and I are getting reacquainted. Change is hard. We enjoy things the way they are and settle in. Raising kids and seeing them grow up takes the wind out of our sails too. When my children became adults and one of my daughters missed our family christmas (she was getting engaged to her husband and cruising with his family), everything changed after that point. We struggle with letting them grow up. Last Christmas I spent home alone with the dogs, we slept late, (husband was at work,) we'd prepared breakfast casserole the night before, one daughter and her family were on their new tradition of Christmas cruise, the other lives 300 miles away and has their family traditions, and eldest daughter lives closer, but has her own family too. I often wonder if the changes for them starting their new traditions bother them as they do us old folks? I doubt it since they are creating new traditions and we've just lost our old ones. It's time to move forward though. Another phase in family, health and fitness, just everything has to be modified. Some phases are more of a struggle than others though---but life goes on and so must we.
Everything you've written here really touched me, RNEverette (I hope I've gotten your name right!). I can totally, totally understand where you're coming from -- and I imagine my own parents felt the same way when I started my family; I've been thinking a lot about what it will be like when our kids are fully grown up and out on their own, even though it's years away. I can totally see moments like this in my future, perhaps. You're so, so right -- life goes on, and so must we.
I will confess that it was hard allowing them to grow up and move to adulting. But, when they are successful we know that we did a good job as parents. It really is a double edge sword. We put that happy, proud parent smile, and quell the ache in our heart. Enjoy your littles now; they have so much to teach us. (I teach middle schoolers) Regina E
Oh, Terrell..this hits home......At some point in the future, if I don't (after making this next set of revisions) get an agent and a publishing deal, I'll have to leave this novel behind. So what I've done--also what I did when I hung up my CEO identity (you know, the one where you kinda still "matter"--at least superficially) and opted for this other life--I had to 1) Grieve 2) Focus on what I got out of the experience and celebrate all of it. Like for reals, celebrate it. 3) Look ahead to how I might leverage it into something new and potentially even MORE wonderful. But reconciling the grief part for me is always a critical part of the process. When I short change that, I'm sunk because the healing isn't allowed to take flight.
This is so insightful, Diana. And it's so interesting that, even when you make choices (like leaving your CEO role) that you wanted to make, there's still a grieving process, of letting go. I've experienced that too, in my own life -- leaving jobs I (thought!) wanted to leave, or letting go of projects, only to be stirred later on by regrets of leaving them. I really like what you have to say about this being a "critical part of the process" -- it really is, and I've probably short-circuited that at different times in my life.
Also: have you thought about self-publishing, if the agent thing doesn't work out?
I’m a horrible self-promoter-which self-publishing demands. So probably not, but it IS an option for sure.
Sometimes "losses" are necessary if one is to reach their potential. The problem is we never know how long we have the gift of life and therefore we resist, deny, and procrastinate our lives away. The sooner one comes to terms with mortality, the easier it is to
Robert Frost. “All I know about life is: it goes on “.
How do you handle these moments in life, when you have to choose whether it’s time to leave something important to you behind and move on? (I copied this into my response so I could read and reread the question while coming up with a response!). Sending the kids to college was not a decision … more of a no-brainer! Deciding when to call it a day and retire from my 52-year career … that was a toughy!
My wife’s retirement made my decision to retire pretty easy but the gravity of the “life transition” made this obvious decision hard. Of course, doing all the “down time “ stuff on any day I wanted was a great motivator. Leaving behind a team of associates whom I worked with for decades made leaving tough.
Regarding your ”Santa Claus” event, I am sure you and your son will look back on it fondly.
I hope so! (I know you're right, it's just... I don't want it to be time for that yet, you know?)
OMG this hits hard! I’m a day or two late in responding but I actually caught my breath reading this. I relate to the comments Diane made about leaving her CEO identity behind. As I’m contemplating retirement next year, there is a bit, no a lot of anxiety at times of losing my identity. I have been in medical device sales for 24 years and have built many lasting professional as well as personal relationships with doctors, nurses and others. I wonder often how I am going to managed the sudden loss of all my daily interactions. I have people tell me all the time that “I’m not allowed to retire” and although that makes me feel good, it also makes me sad…..I know there will be a grieving that will take place and yes, celebration for all the work I’ve done over the years. I can’t help think though about what kind of impact I’ve really had in my field and on others. I know I will find other things to do thus my transition to trail running….slower and definitely more contemplative…..the phrase Happy Trails will being a whole new meaning to me for sure! I believe the only way through this life cycle will be one day at a time.
It will! I can totally relate to what you're saying, Karen -- I'm not yet where you are in my own day-to-day career, but I've experienced something similar in other parts of my life. It's really hard! Thank you so much for sharing all of this... how is the trail running going, by the way?
Good! Two weeks from today is my first 50K😬the nerves are starting to kick in but my main goal is to have fun and finish! I’m shooting for 8 .5 hours to complete it based on my training block….we shall see! Heading out soon for a 3 hour day on the trails.
The regret post and this one really got to me pretty hard. I haven’t responded yet because I’ve been trying to figure it out. I use running as kind of a get away or a reset or sometimes just to burn off anger, frustration, anxiety or whatever. I started in my mid forties (totally wish I had started sooner) I guess my biggest regret is no kids. Not for lack of trying it just wasn’t in the cards. I spent years intermittently completely devastated by it. At this point it’s just a dull ache but I suppose it will always be there. Anyway that’s my biggest regret but it’s all a learning experience so kinda like running just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Cheers guys you all seem pretty awesome
Thank you for sharing this, Blue -- I'm honored you'd share it with us here. It *is* all a learning experience, isn't it?
to accept necessary losses.
Very well said, Clark! I happened to see a video clip of J.R.R. Tolkein the other day, in which he explained that every story is, in some way, about coming to terms with exactly that. Very, very true.
At the age of 90 my maternal Grandfather told me he felt life "was but a dream". He was a man who worked hard and slept little and accomplished much. I have been trying to better understand why he felt life is but a "dream". He certainly wasn't on automatic pilot but perhaps he felt his legacy should have had more gravitas? We tend to float, merrily, merrily, gently down the stream. I guess the question is what do we choose to leave in our wake? Ripples that will help repair our world or were we here just for the ride? Funny how this question has haunted me all my life..
Terrell - this has me a bit choked up this morning. Beautifully written and illustrated. Love this: “The life we learn with… and the life we live with after that.” So wise. I had the great good fortune of seeing Kipchoge in the Berlin marathon in 2022, twice! (Only managed to see my husband once - haha.) He’s a GOAT for sure.
Change, and moving on, are hard. In the midst of a big one now - clearing out our house where we’ve lived for 20+ years, downsizing. It’s wrenching and exhilarating and quite a roller coaster. Thank goodness for running.