This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you so much for taking a moment to be so vulnerable. Yes! I’ve for SURE had these moments with my family. I come from an extremely broken home and I now have a happy marriage and four children. I think constantly about whether or not I’ve done enough to break some terrible generational chains. Only time will tell. My hope is that, though I’m certainly far from perfect, that my children see that I’m always striving to grow and be better. Thank you again for sharing your late-night thoughts. <3
Thank you SO much, Melody! You've no doubt given your kids an amazing gift just by being aware of what happened for you growing up -- so, so many of us simply repeat those patterns unknowingly. I am sure your children, even if they don't see it today, will when they're adults. Thank YOU for these thoughts too!
You are such a thoughtful person. I love what you’ve written and very much agree with you. I am who I am because of my father mostly. I’ve always felt that parenting is best done by example, as Brown says. My girls are in their thirties and I hope I’ve been a good example to them. My father was to me. Thank you!
Thank you so much, Liza! I completely, completely agree with you -- I would bet you're the same way with your daughters as your father was to you. (Was he an artist too?)
Thank you! No, he was a physician. But he showed me how to have no fear. When I was in 10th grade, he decided we would live in Rome for a year (he took a sabatical). This was a time when it was a less common thing to do for an American family. It changed my life and made me the person I am, I think.
What an incredible gift to give your kids -- and yourself/your partner as an adult! That's actually a really, really interesting idea. Part of the reason I enjoyed last weekend so much was that we got to get away from Atlanta. It's home, and it's been my home for almost 30 years, but sometimes it's A LOT, you know? To get away to a place like Rome for a year would be amazing. You've given me something to think about!
This really hit home. Although my children are all grown (ages 26, 23 and 21) I worry so much about the behavior I’ve modeled for them. Always enjoy your writing.
Oh my goodness I loved this and love reading the comments! I’m a parent to a two year old and 4 year old and some days are just beyond hard and some days are beyond my wildest dreams of magic and joy.
I’ve had to put my training on pause due to a persistent knee injury, and I’m hoping even that small thing (going on walks not runs right now) shows them how to listen to their bodies and believe what their gut is telling them.
As a 75 year old, I can visualize my Dad living a life that still teaches me profound lessons. Never doubt the profound power of example and how it can pop up at any time with either positive or negative consequences. I fortunately continue to experience only the former....
Terrell, thanks for the sweet compliment. When “The Great Human Race” is more than an idea, I will have something to talk to you that perhaps your followers might find interesting. Other than that, my comments on your “thread” are just heart-felt musings of a “late blooming baby boomer”. Hardly the “content” your tribe or any tribe would find very interesting…!
Interesting thoughts, Terrell. I can't really relate to being a parent in the sense that you do--even tho I do have a son/daughter (trans). For some reason we've always acted as one. When we were together as a family, my daughter and I had to make it on what was available ( husband was a heavy drinker ) and we still pull together as one, even though there is a 40 year difference.
I came from a family with a father who was an retired Marine Captain. His wife kind of followed what she was "supposed to do" and loved him deeply, but at her depth she was a feminist and I knew it as did she. My Dad knew things were not something he could change as he went through WWII . His philosophy with kids was to "roll with the punches. " Mom was of the opinion "that if you got yourself into trouble, then get yourself out." We lived on a Marine Corps pension, so there was little money around other than for food, clothing and housing--we had to get grants or scholarships for college and we had to get a higher education. My older brother and I were expected to grow up and go out into the world--no coddling.
I learned a lot from him. We were daredevils when we were kids, seeing how far up we could go in a tree or in the barn or you name it, we did it! We came in for dinner when called, no one watched out for us with the exception of school studies in which we were supposed to do well. I think my parents mellowed somewhat with the 4 kids who came later, but my brother and I have always stood the same--learned and tried as hard as we could--not to impress anyone, but because it was/is fun to learn. Being scared just doesn't fit in.
Loved your late night article, though I was still up cleaning the kitchen when it came through at
11:05 PM. It did make sense and gave me something to mull over in my mind--as usual! I do appreciate how thinking has changed with regard to kids, though I honestly don't support it having come from a different background. Perhaps that is why I hang around with runners. It is the only group I've found that puts up with individualistic tendencies.
Still clear and cold here. The ridge should move East on Sunday which means warmer temps and more rain. We are settled on where to move. Now it it just getting from point A to point B which is blocks away! :)
I love love love hearing your descriptions of your childhood, Nilima. And I would give anything to let my son roam around like that too; that's essentially what I did as a kid too, even though we lived in the suburbs. It's tougher to do that in a big city, which makes one wonder... why do we live in a big city, anyway? Glad to hear you've found a place to move to! Stay as dry as you can out there!
Well, why do you live in a big city other than convenience? :)
I don't think kids can find what we had anymore. It has all changed with the technological/ digital age. It did help a lot to be poor monetarily, but there were riches that can't be explained living like we did.
Same place where we are now living only 2 blocks away. I think it freaked by daughter out that she could become homeless, even though she is making obscene amounts of money in the technology field. This is only for 12 months. As the weather gets nicer, we plan to explore the PacNW and buy a house so she doesn't have to face the landlord/tenant relation any more. Wish it would rain. It would be welcome!
Thank you for your stories Terrell, I appreciate your genuine approach to your writing! I’ve learned that the challenges I faced as a child are very different than what my boys are dealing with today. For instance, there is a lot of “drama” with the evolution of social media! Today, our kiddos have immediate access to information that I had to look up in a catalog card system growing up. Technology has changed our children’s day to day environment...some good, some bad. I worry about whether I’ve adapted as an effective parent to my boys who only know this tech age; even a simple act of in person interaction rather than on chat apps. I’m still learning to be a parent to my boys (20 and 15) and hope I can keep up with their changing environment!
Thanks so much, Donna! I do worry about the same things re: technology -- it changes in a huge way like every five years, you know? Totally with you on the need for developing in-person social skills, and the intrusiveness of tech into their social worlds. It takes effort by us to limit that, too, though we can do it probably more easily because we're more in control of our son's schedule at his age. Once they get to be teenagers and later, it's tougher, I hear you.
Terrell - love me some Brene! Listen to both her podcasts when I run...keep encouraging your son. Good luck to all of our first time halfers this weekend and many time halfers!! I'll be racing Philly on Saturday if anyone else is!!! It will be my 17th Half and 18th state (including DC) that I've run a race in (any distance!). Getting those goals in and doing things I never thought possible. Have a GREAT race and experience everyone!
Loved this post & the pictures! Thank you for sharing your thoughts & opening up.
Being a parent never ends. I never stop worrying & caring & loving them. I thought it would get easier as they got older, but it hasn’t.
We flew to Reno to visit our oldest son last weekend. He’s in school & working & has a long-time girlfriend he lives with. He has a lot more on his plate at 23 than I did.
I worry about that, but I have watched him grow stronger & more resilient because of all he is dealing with. (That doesn’t mean I don’t want to fix everything or make it easier. I do.)
He’s not bitter that we can’t just pay for his schooling, nor is he bitter that he works full-time while going to school full-time. We help when we can, but I really believe he is a better person because we couldn’t do as much for him as my parents did for me. (I was a spoiled brat.) He is tougher & stronger than I was in my 20’s. He is more grateful & humble too.
I often look back & wish I could have done some thing differently with our boys, but we did the best we could with what we knew & had at the time. When I realized this is when I really forgave my parents (they were amazing parents, but not perfect) for their faults & mistakes. I hope our boys do the same for me & my husband.
You are a great parent Terrell. It’s obvious you love your son. Do the best you can with what you have. He’ll be fine. 😊
Thanks so much, Corrina! You hit on exactly what I was thinking as I wrote this last night -- becoming a parent myself has allowed me to let my own parents "off the hook" more and more, as I realize how they were just young people in their 30s at the time, trying to figure this out too.
I love this! I’m working through a lot of these thoughts and feelings with my 5 year old now. There are times when I want him to be less scared of new things and to not fear failure but then I step back and realize, as you did, that he is so much like me at that age.
Modeling the behavior you’d like to see from your child is so important. I just need to remember that. Thanks for this, Terrell.
Thanks, Andrew! I've found there is a LOT of wisdom in that old adage about leading a horse to water when it comes to kids. We have to let them be, and just give them examples of ways to be; the rest is up to them. Admittedly, this is easy to say and hard to do, isn't it? 😃
I have 50+ years with AT&T ... all of it engineering. One of my aha moments came some 40 years ago when there was a huge amount of growth in southern Florida and a corresponding need for a whole lot of folks who would design circuits that would connect customers that might be two blocks from each other ... or 50 miles from each other. What my associate and friend Lonnie instilled in me was his belief that “he could teach technical design to anyone”. He demonstrated great patience with the “newbies” and it paid off with the designers becoming both knowledgeable and confident in their new-found abilities. To this day, I still employ his techniques when training folks who come into our organization with my objective that they can get along without me if I take vacation!
That's such a great story, Dave -- and what a tribute to him that you still train new people today in the same way. That's a legacy to be proud of, isn't it?
Great read and great story/memory. We've all had those moments likely just glad you, through your story, were able to both reminisce and also drive me to my memories as well. Good times then as I/we learned to overcome those little obstacles - often tell my students similar in that they have to forget about the "big" things and will get there by simply doing all the "little" things along the way. Thank you. again...
Also, while doing the training as a parallel, I've got my first 1/2 of the season this weekend, Sunday in Gainesville, Florida. Nervous and excited wrapped up in one...
This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you so much for taking a moment to be so vulnerable. Yes! I’ve for SURE had these moments with my family. I come from an extremely broken home and I now have a happy marriage and four children. I think constantly about whether or not I’ve done enough to break some terrible generational chains. Only time will tell. My hope is that, though I’m certainly far from perfect, that my children see that I’m always striving to grow and be better. Thank you again for sharing your late-night thoughts. <3
Thank you SO much, Melody! You've no doubt given your kids an amazing gift just by being aware of what happened for you growing up -- so, so many of us simply repeat those patterns unknowingly. I am sure your children, even if they don't see it today, will when they're adults. Thank YOU for these thoughts too!
Thank you so much, Melody, and right back at you! 🙏
You are such a thoughtful person. I love what you’ve written and very much agree with you. I am who I am because of my father mostly. I’ve always felt that parenting is best done by example, as Brown says. My girls are in their thirties and I hope I’ve been a good example to them. My father was to me. Thank you!
Thank you so much, Liza! I completely, completely agree with you -- I would bet you're the same way with your daughters as your father was to you. (Was he an artist too?)
Thank you! No, he was a physician. But he showed me how to have no fear. When I was in 10th grade, he decided we would live in Rome for a year (he took a sabatical). This was a time when it was a less common thing to do for an American family. It changed my life and made me the person I am, I think.
What an incredible gift to give your kids -- and yourself/your partner as an adult! That's actually a really, really interesting idea. Part of the reason I enjoyed last weekend so much was that we got to get away from Atlanta. It's home, and it's been my home for almost 30 years, but sometimes it's A LOT, you know? To get away to a place like Rome for a year would be amazing. You've given me something to think about!
Great! Yes, it was something, very forward thinking of my father.
This really hit home. Although my children are all grown (ages 26, 23 and 21) I worry so much about the behavior I’ve modeled for them. Always enjoy your writing.
Thank you so much, Melissa! 🙏
Oh my goodness I loved this and love reading the comments! I’m a parent to a two year old and 4 year old and some days are just beyond hard and some days are beyond my wildest dreams of magic and joy.
I’ve had to put my training on pause due to a persistent knee injury, and I’m hoping even that small thing (going on walks not runs right now) shows them how to listen to their bodies and believe what their gut is telling them.
I love Brene brown's work - her writings are very quotable. Great thing about vulnerability is that it can be applied to anyone in daily situations 😊
That's so true. She's so great -- I have one more of her books, but haven't yet read the ones she's written after Daring Greatly. They're on my list!
As a 75 year old, I can visualize my Dad living a life that still teaches me profound lessons. Never doubt the profound power of example and how it can pop up at any time with either positive or negative consequences. I fortunately continue to experience only the former....
Clark, someday I'd love to have you for a podcast interview/article where we could talk about this -- I'd love to hear more of your stories!
Terrell, thanks for the sweet compliment. When “The Great Human Race” is more than an idea, I will have something to talk to you that perhaps your followers might find interesting. Other than that, my comments on your “thread” are just heart-felt musings of a “late blooming baby boomer”. Hardly the “content” your tribe or any tribe would find very interesting…!
Interesting thoughts, Terrell. I can't really relate to being a parent in the sense that you do--even tho I do have a son/daughter (trans). For some reason we've always acted as one. When we were together as a family, my daughter and I had to make it on what was available ( husband was a heavy drinker ) and we still pull together as one, even though there is a 40 year difference.
I came from a family with a father who was an retired Marine Captain. His wife kind of followed what she was "supposed to do" and loved him deeply, but at her depth she was a feminist and I knew it as did she. My Dad knew things were not something he could change as he went through WWII . His philosophy with kids was to "roll with the punches. " Mom was of the opinion "that if you got yourself into trouble, then get yourself out." We lived on a Marine Corps pension, so there was little money around other than for food, clothing and housing--we had to get grants or scholarships for college and we had to get a higher education. My older brother and I were expected to grow up and go out into the world--no coddling.
I learned a lot from him. We were daredevils when we were kids, seeing how far up we could go in a tree or in the barn or you name it, we did it! We came in for dinner when called, no one watched out for us with the exception of school studies in which we were supposed to do well. I think my parents mellowed somewhat with the 4 kids who came later, but my brother and I have always stood the same--learned and tried as hard as we could--not to impress anyone, but because it was/is fun to learn. Being scared just doesn't fit in.
Loved your late night article, though I was still up cleaning the kitchen when it came through at
11:05 PM. It did make sense and gave me something to mull over in my mind--as usual! I do appreciate how thinking has changed with regard to kids, though I honestly don't support it having come from a different background. Perhaps that is why I hang around with runners. It is the only group I've found that puts up with individualistic tendencies.
Still clear and cold here. The ridge should move East on Sunday which means warmer temps and more rain. We are settled on where to move. Now it it just getting from point A to point B which is blocks away! :)
I love love love hearing your descriptions of your childhood, Nilima. And I would give anything to let my son roam around like that too; that's essentially what I did as a kid too, even though we lived in the suburbs. It's tougher to do that in a big city, which makes one wonder... why do we live in a big city, anyway? Glad to hear you've found a place to move to! Stay as dry as you can out there!
Well, why do you live in a big city other than convenience? :)
I don't think kids can find what we had anymore. It has all changed with the technological/ digital age. It did help a lot to be poor monetarily, but there were riches that can't be explained living like we did.
Same place where we are now living only 2 blocks away. I think it freaked by daughter out that she could become homeless, even though she is making obscene amounts of money in the technology field. This is only for 12 months. As the weather gets nicer, we plan to explore the PacNW and buy a house so she doesn't have to face the landlord/tenant relation any more. Wish it would rain. It would be welcome!
Thank you for your stories Terrell, I appreciate your genuine approach to your writing! I’ve learned that the challenges I faced as a child are very different than what my boys are dealing with today. For instance, there is a lot of “drama” with the evolution of social media! Today, our kiddos have immediate access to information that I had to look up in a catalog card system growing up. Technology has changed our children’s day to day environment...some good, some bad. I worry about whether I’ve adapted as an effective parent to my boys who only know this tech age; even a simple act of in person interaction rather than on chat apps. I’m still learning to be a parent to my boys (20 and 15) and hope I can keep up with their changing environment!
Thanks so much, Donna! I do worry about the same things re: technology -- it changes in a huge way like every five years, you know? Totally with you on the need for developing in-person social skills, and the intrusiveness of tech into their social worlds. It takes effort by us to limit that, too, though we can do it probably more easily because we're more in control of our son's schedule at his age. Once they get to be teenagers and later, it's tougher, I hear you.
Terrell - love me some Brene! Listen to both her podcasts when I run...keep encouraging your son. Good luck to all of our first time halfers this weekend and many time halfers!! I'll be racing Philly on Saturday if anyone else is!!! It will be my 17th Half and 18th state (including DC) that I've run a race in (any distance!). Getting those goals in and doing things I never thought possible. Have a GREAT race and experience everyone!
Wow (about running 17 halfs!)! That's so awesome, Michelle! You have a great race too this weekend!
Loved this post & the pictures! Thank you for sharing your thoughts & opening up.
Being a parent never ends. I never stop worrying & caring & loving them. I thought it would get easier as they got older, but it hasn’t.
We flew to Reno to visit our oldest son last weekend. He’s in school & working & has a long-time girlfriend he lives with. He has a lot more on his plate at 23 than I did.
I worry about that, but I have watched him grow stronger & more resilient because of all he is dealing with. (That doesn’t mean I don’t want to fix everything or make it easier. I do.)
He’s not bitter that we can’t just pay for his schooling, nor is he bitter that he works full-time while going to school full-time. We help when we can, but I really believe he is a better person because we couldn’t do as much for him as my parents did for me. (I was a spoiled brat.) He is tougher & stronger than I was in my 20’s. He is more grateful & humble too.
I often look back & wish I could have done some thing differently with our boys, but we did the best we could with what we knew & had at the time. When I realized this is when I really forgave my parents (they were amazing parents, but not perfect) for their faults & mistakes. I hope our boys do the same for me & my husband.
You are a great parent Terrell. It’s obvious you love your son. Do the best you can with what you have. He’ll be fine. 😊
Thanks so much, Corrina! You hit on exactly what I was thinking as I wrote this last night -- becoming a parent myself has allowed me to let my own parents "off the hook" more and more, as I realize how they were just young people in their 30s at the time, trying to figure this out too.
I love this! I’m working through a lot of these thoughts and feelings with my 5 year old now. There are times when I want him to be less scared of new things and to not fear failure but then I step back and realize, as you did, that he is so much like me at that age.
Modeling the behavior you’d like to see from your child is so important. I just need to remember that. Thanks for this, Terrell.
Thanks, Andrew! I've found there is a LOT of wisdom in that old adage about leading a horse to water when it comes to kids. We have to let them be, and just give them examples of ways to be; the rest is up to them. Admittedly, this is easy to say and hard to do, isn't it? 😃
I could not agree more with all of that! Like all things, a work in progress. Thanks for the thoughts this morning.
I have 50+ years with AT&T ... all of it engineering. One of my aha moments came some 40 years ago when there was a huge amount of growth in southern Florida and a corresponding need for a whole lot of folks who would design circuits that would connect customers that might be two blocks from each other ... or 50 miles from each other. What my associate and friend Lonnie instilled in me was his belief that “he could teach technical design to anyone”. He demonstrated great patience with the “newbies” and it paid off with the designers becoming both knowledgeable and confident in their new-found abilities. To this day, I still employ his techniques when training folks who come into our organization with my objective that they can get along without me if I take vacation!
That's such a great story, Dave -- and what a tribute to him that you still train new people today in the same way. That's a legacy to be proud of, isn't it?
Great read and great story/memory. We've all had those moments likely just glad you, through your story, were able to both reminisce and also drive me to my memories as well. Good times then as I/we learned to overcome those little obstacles - often tell my students similar in that they have to forget about the "big" things and will get there by simply doing all the "little" things along the way. Thank you. again...
Also, while doing the training as a parallel, I've got my first 1/2 of the season this weekend, Sunday in Gainesville, Florida. Nervous and excited wrapped up in one...