Loved this! Thank you! I had a similar experience with one of our sons when he was young. He really didn’t handle failure well. It made me look at myself and realize that I wasn’t handling failure well, and his main example was me. Yikes!
I found a great quote in a Steve Hartman “On the Road” segment. https://youtu.be/R0tjVEncJyg Steve is interviewing Gerald Hodges, a kid who learned how to swim as a freshman in high school, and it took him years and a lot of work to be good at it. Gerald told Steve, “If I couldn’t handle not being good at something, then how could I consider myself a successful person?”
I loved that quote! I put it up on my board at school and put one up at home RIGHT by the fridge, where I knew my son would see it multiple times a day. I started actively changing my attitude about failure. My son’s attitude about it started changing too.
I think there is a lot we can do as runners (and parents) to embrace the pain and failure and help it guide us to become better people. 🥰
“It’s as if you get a new child every year, if you think about it.” I read this paragraph aloud to my mom, and we both giggled knowingly. I’m over my obsession with running, but I still run and call myself a runner. My latest obsession is marked by the new sewing machine, lovingly (and anxiously) nicknamed the Space Shuttle because it probably has a button for re-entry to Earth’s atmosphere and I just haven’t found it yet. I ‘failed’ a first project but used scissors, MistyFuse, and thread to ‘save’ it. Quilting is notoriously unforgiving of lazy cutting and imperfect seams. Alas, I am lazy and imperfect. And yet, I am a quilter--and a runner, a writer, a cyclist, a racecar driver.... And still, at 62, a new child every year 🤩
Steph, that warms my heart that you shared this with your mom -- I've been thinking about your comment here ever since you posted it, a couple days ago. And I love that you're a new child every year too!
Your comments made me think about the fact that I often remind myself that "It's not the destination that's important, it's the journey". Not just in running but in life.
So, so true. It's one of those cliches that we've all heard a thousand times, but to hear Courtney Dauwalter and Rich Roll express it in the way they did, it makes you take another look, you know?
Wonderful 5 mile run Saturday morning. Cross training, including small weight and cardio, have been so helpful to not get injured. Stronger each run. And do not feel so sore after run is over. Pushing for longer runs, but that depends on my group and time available. I am not a solo runner anymore, too dangerous. Hope to start getting some longer runs in. Have a great week
The most difficult of parenting for me is seeing my kids fail and/or be disappointed. However, I also wanted them to know that this is part of life and they are resilient and capable of dealing with it.
My kids are now 29 and 31. When they were growing up, I often told them (and still do every once in awhile) - if you are living your life, you will be disappointed and you will fail at things. If you aren't willing to take chances and try new things, your life may be quite boring.
One of my things to do this summer is take my son running on a one mile fun every week. He really held his own as a four-year-old the other night, but expressed a lot of disappointment that all the grownups beat him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Wow. wowyeswow. The pain cave is something I’ve not heard of before but makes so much sense! In training for half marathons in the past, I’ve felt like the work doesn’t happen in the long training runs until you get past your previous distance. I couldn’t wait to get to that point because it was then that I felt progress. That being said, for the first time in years I intentionally don’t have any races on my calendar and it’s let me figure out how to enjoy running again! I’ll get back to a race here and there, but for now I’m just finding my happy pace! Happy running to you too!
That’s so great, Margs! I imagine you’re not the only one who feels that way; it can be liberating not to have to think so much about training, and structure our lives around it. I hope you keep enjoying it 😀
I am thinking back about 45 days when you proposed doing something that was going to lead me back to the pleasure I find in running. You did so with the knowledge that you might fail due to the demands of life, but it was done anyway. And in that effort came perspective on many other things and the contentment that had been hidden.
That pain cave is not always a product of pushing physical limits, but running though it can certainly bring the strength to find the way back into the light. And in that be successful beyond all miles.
Yes Terrell, Aristotle was talking about EQ ( emotional intelligence) way before we post-moderns coined the term. But you already know that and that is why I am not concerned that you will be a great role model for your son no matter what he encounters....
As one parent to another, we both know how important it is to make sure they understand they can always come to you and talk about anything, anytime, anywhere. Easier said than done but obviously that is a key conversation to have which I’m sure you have already had... not a bad idea to repeat it whenever you think is necessary. P.S. Don’t forget to bring the Kleenex when you drop your daughter off at College. At least they will be “very happy Tears”...
Jun 12, 2023·edited Jun 12, 2023Liked by Terrell Johnson
Oh wow - yes, Dauwalter's way of processing it is Burkeman's advice taken to a higher level - where the undesirable thing becomes the sign that everything's going according to plan. Love that you made that connection here, Terrell.
And - maybe that can become what our experience of imposter syndrome is, when we're writing or planning to write? Not as a sign that we're not cut out for this creativity madness, but a sign that we're hitting publish on something that's meaningful and deep enough to create that reaction in us, and therefore it's genuinely worth putting out there?
Exactly! When you posted that earlier today, it gave me the little flash of insight (or, what I hope is insight!) to make the connection between these two. I keep coming back to what she says about the hardest part of a race, that now she's actually embracing that hard stuff instead of trying to avoid it -- lots there to chew on.
Off and Running! I get to read your column later. . . I'm sure it will be interesting, as always! Beautiful day, in the 80s. The birds are delightful. . . so many of them calling now, especially the Spotted towhee. Will feed the crows as I go out. They love it! Smart birds. . . :)
I really appreciate the insight that the most important thing I'm teaching my kids is "management of failure." I'd extend that to all negative emotions. When things go right it's "just" about being present with the joy. But when my daughter is frustrated, that's when the real parenting works happens - if I'm able to be with her with what's hard for her, and not need her to be all fixed up real quick.
You're learning, Terrell. A little bit at a time. . .
Yes, it is easy to fall prey to anger and negativity. . .hard to keep a balance.
Rain moving in for the weekend. Should get rid of the drought we have been having. Off to the library to pick up a book for my summer reading challenge. :)
Loved this! Thank you! I had a similar experience with one of our sons when he was young. He really didn’t handle failure well. It made me look at myself and realize that I wasn’t handling failure well, and his main example was me. Yikes!
I found a great quote in a Steve Hartman “On the Road” segment. https://youtu.be/R0tjVEncJyg Steve is interviewing Gerald Hodges, a kid who learned how to swim as a freshman in high school, and it took him years and a lot of work to be good at it. Gerald told Steve, “If I couldn’t handle not being good at something, then how could I consider myself a successful person?”
I loved that quote! I put it up on my board at school and put one up at home RIGHT by the fridge, where I knew my son would see it multiple times a day. I started actively changing my attitude about failure. My son’s attitude about it started changing too.
I think there is a lot we can do as runners (and parents) to embrace the pain and failure and help it guide us to become better people. 🥰
Hope you are having a great Monday! 👍🏼
Right back at you, Corrina! I really, really love this idea -- we need these reminders in life, don’t we? They’re so easy to forget.
Agreed!
“It’s as if you get a new child every year, if you think about it.” I read this paragraph aloud to my mom, and we both giggled knowingly. I’m over my obsession with running, but I still run and call myself a runner. My latest obsession is marked by the new sewing machine, lovingly (and anxiously) nicknamed the Space Shuttle because it probably has a button for re-entry to Earth’s atmosphere and I just haven’t found it yet. I ‘failed’ a first project but used scissors, MistyFuse, and thread to ‘save’ it. Quilting is notoriously unforgiving of lazy cutting and imperfect seams. Alas, I am lazy and imperfect. And yet, I am a quilter--and a runner, a writer, a cyclist, a racecar driver.... And still, at 62, a new child every year 🤩
Steph, that warms my heart that you shared this with your mom -- I've been thinking about your comment here ever since you posted it, a couple days ago. And I love that you're a new child every year too!
Your comments made me think about the fact that I often remind myself that "It's not the destination that's important, it's the journey". Not just in running but in life.
So, so true. It's one of those cliches that we've all heard a thousand times, but to hear Courtney Dauwalter and Rich Roll express it in the way they did, it makes you take another look, you know?
Wonderful 5 mile run Saturday morning. Cross training, including small weight and cardio, have been so helpful to not get injured. Stronger each run. And do not feel so sore after run is over. Pushing for longer runs, but that depends on my group and time available. I am not a solo runner anymore, too dangerous. Hope to start getting some longer runs in. Have a great week
That's awesome, Kimberly!! 🙌 Especially the part about not feeling sore after your run 😃
4 miles walking Saturday morning
The most difficult of parenting for me is seeing my kids fail and/or be disappointed. However, I also wanted them to know that this is part of life and they are resilient and capable of dealing with it.
My kids are now 29 and 31. When they were growing up, I often told them (and still do every once in awhile) - if you are living your life, you will be disappointed and you will fail at things. If you aren't willing to take chances and try new things, your life may be quite boring.
I loved the most recent TNL podcast.
One of my things to do this summer is take my son running on a one mile fun every week. He really held his own as a four-year-old the other night, but expressed a lot of disappointment that all the grownups beat him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Beautiful post thank you
Wow. wowyeswow. The pain cave is something I’ve not heard of before but makes so much sense! In training for half marathons in the past, I’ve felt like the work doesn’t happen in the long training runs until you get past your previous distance. I couldn’t wait to get to that point because it was then that I felt progress. That being said, for the first time in years I intentionally don’t have any races on my calendar and it’s let me figure out how to enjoy running again! I’ll get back to a race here and there, but for now I’m just finding my happy pace! Happy running to you too!
That’s so great, Margs! I imagine you’re not the only one who feels that way; it can be liberating not to have to think so much about training, and structure our lives around it. I hope you keep enjoying it 😀
Beautiful read Terrell. I started reading the book Life is in the transitions recently and thought you might find the topic helpful
Thanks, Minh! And yes, I’ve definitely heard of that book -- it’s so fascinating and thought-provoking. Glad to hear you’re enjoying it too 🙌
I am thinking back about 45 days when you proposed doing something that was going to lead me back to the pleasure I find in running. You did so with the knowledge that you might fail due to the demands of life, but it was done anyway. And in that effort came perspective on many other things and the contentment that had been hidden.
That pain cave is not always a product of pushing physical limits, but running though it can certainly bring the strength to find the way back into the light. And in that be successful beyond all miles.
For that I thank you!
Yes Terrell, Aristotle was talking about EQ ( emotional intelligence) way before we post-moderns coined the term. But you already know that and that is why I am not concerned that you will be a great role model for your son no matter what he encounters....
Thank you my friend!
As one parent to another, we both know how important it is to make sure they understand they can always come to you and talk about anything, anytime, anywhere. Easier said than done but obviously that is a key conversation to have which I’m sure you have already had... not a bad idea to repeat it whenever you think is necessary. P.S. Don’t forget to bring the Kleenex when you drop your daughter off at College. At least they will be “very happy Tears”...
Oh wow - yes, Dauwalter's way of processing it is Burkeman's advice taken to a higher level - where the undesirable thing becomes the sign that everything's going according to plan. Love that you made that connection here, Terrell.
And - maybe that can become what our experience of imposter syndrome is, when we're writing or planning to write? Not as a sign that we're not cut out for this creativity madness, but a sign that we're hitting publish on something that's meaningful and deep enough to create that reaction in us, and therefore it's genuinely worth putting out there?
Exactly! When you posted that earlier today, it gave me the little flash of insight (or, what I hope is insight!) to make the connection between these two. I keep coming back to what she says about the hardest part of a race, that now she's actually embracing that hard stuff instead of trying to avoid it -- lots there to chew on.
Off and Running! I get to read your column later. . . I'm sure it will be interesting, as always! Beautiful day, in the 80s. The birds are delightful. . . so many of them calling now, especially the Spotted towhee. Will feed the crows as I go out. They love it! Smart birds. . . :)
I really appreciate the insight that the most important thing I'm teaching my kids is "management of failure." I'd extend that to all negative emotions. When things go right it's "just" about being present with the joy. But when my daughter is frustrated, that's when the real parenting works happens - if I'm able to be with her with what's hard for her, and not need her to be all fixed up real quick.
You're learning, Terrell. A little bit at a time. . .
Yes, it is easy to fall prey to anger and negativity. . .hard to keep a balance.
Rain moving in for the weekend. Should get rid of the drought we have been having. Off to the library to pick up a book for my summer reading challenge. :)