Does it bring you closer together, or push you apart?
Running — or any recreational pursuit, really — can give you time to connect with your partner (as Oscar Wilde said, “ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation”), and serve as a break from the pressures of work/house/etc.
On the other hand, if you’re too competitive with one another, training with different goals in mind, or if one of you is “into it” and the other isn’t, it can cause friction. What do you think? — Terrell
I love doing all that with her too. But it comes with a few drawbacks. My pace is faster along with my duration, in all activities. So I have to hold back a lot. It’s hard.
My husband and I are opposites in almost everything. I like to run, he says he only runs to the bathroom 🤣. He likes to ride motorcycles but I don’t. But we support each other. He may never run a mile with me but he will always be at the finish line with his hands wide open. I will never learn how to ride a motorcycle but I will hop on in back of his whenever he wants to go on a road trip. On our last road trip we went from Colorado to South Dakota and my bottom hurt so bad that we had to stop at Walmart and get a seat patio cushion for me to put on the bike. So not cool in the biker community :)
Good morning all....both my husband and I have been in athletics our entire lives....he played college football and I ran track in college. As far as long runs, he used to run just to clear his work brain when we first met. Over time, he has become more interested in mountain biking and golf. 5 years ago he had both hips replaced due to the overuse from that football career but he does occasionally get on my treadmill for a 30 minute jog(as he calls it). He’s very supportive of my running and will support me at my races if I ask him to. Normally I don’t ask since you need to get up so early. When I’ve run half’s in other parts of the country/world, he always greets me at the end with a smile and a hug. What we do works and he is encouraging me now as I transition to trail running....
My husband and I love being active together, running, cycling, walking our dogs, etc. When we’re first married we ran at the same pace and did races together, including our first half marathon together. Overtime, he was working more on strength and I wanted to keep my pace as long as I could, while getting older. He got slower, I’ve been able to maintain. We struggled with it for a while, sometimes got grumpy with each other - ran a half in Montreal that my pace was slower than his, because I walked so much to not get ahead of him, and then we decided to let it go. We run together and I just turn around and run back to him and we chat a bit and then I run on. My runs are longer and that’s with me/us. We still love doing it together. And now when we race. We meet at the end and congratulate each other on a great race. ❤️
My husband has no interest in running whatsoever, so he cheers me on and supports my training. He brings me cold water on my long runs, and brings my pup out to meet me when I've finished a run. It's wonderful. Having separate interests is important as well as sharing activities.
My hubby was a triathlete & swimmer in his youth. He also ran and trained with me for a couple of half marathons. Not any longer though. He’s patient with my long Saturday runs, because he’s been there, but my training has definitely gotten in the way of our relationship at times. It’s a fine line. I wish he would run and train with me again.
Somewhat different perspective when you are retired, my running means I am not hovering at home. When I was still working she had more time to do her things uninterrupted . We do cardio and weight training together four hours a week and she will come to some of the races, as long as it doesn’t require leaving the house before 6A. In fact I joke about the hardest training day being a rest/ recovery day, but a grain of truth exists there in.
I've been running in one shape or fashion since high school. Had a spell years ago when I stopped, it wasn't fun anymore. Of all things, my bride started running. After a while, she asked me to run with her...at her pace. Okay, I could have crawled on my hands and knees faster, but we were doing this together. She would always say... go ahead if you wantm I'm holding you back. I would just respond, "We started this together and we'll finish together." It only lasted a little over a month and then it was, I'm too tired or my legs hurt, or something else. I let her make the decision to finally stop... but I didn't. I found that the juices had started to flow again, and I trained hard for a marathon I'd always decieded against. Way too many hills... it felt like running Boston. So now, after dinner, I grab our dog and ask if she wants to come with us. We greet the neighbors, enjoy the evening air and now that I'm healthy, I go ut for a few miles. My bride is always waiting for me, asking me how it was. "It would be better with you!" I always reply. "My running days are over but I'm glad you're out there again." I think I'll ask her for a new pair of Nikes the next time she says it.
You and your wife sound like you have an incredibly sweet, caring and loving relationship, Steve -- I'm sure you could teach us all a lot about marriage and relationships!
Thank you!! Yes, we run the same pace! He’s pretty strong and consistent. We’re pretty similar and I believe we help each other. We beat our first 2 hour half marathon in 2021 running together!
My husband and I do not share running but have started to work out at the gym together...........LOL......he has always been an active person but did not have a fitness regime of any kind......one of those guys who felt he did not need too........now he needs to.........it's been an adjustment.......a little resentment of my dedication to running/walking/snowshoeing, and now CrossFit.......but he is receptive to working out 3 days a week. I will let you know how it turns out!!!
In NWWI , winter includes snow.........I have a friend that actually grooms her trails thru the woods on her property, but most of the time I just follow the snow packed roads (we are in the country so very little traffic) there are cleats that you can add to your shoes but Crescent Moon Ultra Light Snowshoes are made for running and hiking on packed snow or ice. They are perfect! (Designed by runners, made out of recycled running shoes , available at Amazon) Snowshoeing is a different movement.......works your hips . It keeps me moving and I love being outside no matter what the weather........my Running Buddy, a Standard Poodle named Samson loves it more than anything else!!!
My husband and I both run so it is a common interest. He is way faster than me, so it is not competitive between us. We support and encourage each other, which is great. We have made a number of friends along the way which has expanded our social circle, which is also great. I think that running has added a lot of positives to our relationship, which we are very lucky to have.
Thanks Terrell for the “heads up”. I always look forward to your interviews. I wish every elementary school child was required to develop a daily walking/running habit in nature. I wonder how that might “change” anything or everything??????
Sep 29, 2023·edited Sep 29, 2023Liked by Terrell Johnson
I would say running pulls us together. I love the benefits of running. I run consistently three plus days a week. My husband started to run with me and is great about running with me. He doesn’t run as often but does better if I’m running with him. He has a harder time fitting it into his busy schedule. As for me on the other hand, I tell myself I have to get a run in today no matter what! I make sure I get my runs in.
As for our mindset of running, it is the same. We both see the benefits of running, but it doesn’t bother my husband to go without it for a couple weeks. As for me, I have to get some runs in every week.
When we do get to run together, we have a great time!
We’re expecting a baby next year, and I have brought up the ongoing conversation about me needing him to babysit for thirty minutes a day for me to get a run in. If not, I need at least three days a week where he is on baby duty for thirty minutes.
Congratulations!!! As a grandma it makes me happy to see couples running or just mom running with Baby in a stroller........I did no run with my son or grandson but did borrow a running stroller for my poodle pup that is now my partner........make sure you get a good one!!! The one I borrowed was not and put a lot of strain on my shoulders........enjoy your runs and your family!!! Blessings!!!
I run, my precious wife of 52 years does not. For me, running is as close to a panacea to the trials and tribulations of life as I have found. It opens my heart to want to become healthier, more patient and more understanding & appreciative of everything. My wife and all those I know are the beneficiaries of my daily walk/run on the trails. If I was confined to a wheelchair, I would seriously do chair yoga and meditation. If I were confined to a bed, I would practice breathing, meditation and prayer. If worse? Clueless…..
I hear you, Clark! And I love that phrase: "it opens my heart to want to become healthier, more patient and more understanding..." I've been reading some of the essays Sabrina Little writes for I Run Far lately, and they circle around this theme -- I'm actually planning on interviewing her soon for the newsletter, I imagine it'll be right up your alley.
My husband doesn't run, and while I think I prefer it this way (I can't imagine competing with him -- I want to be the runner in the family!! But also it would be nice if he ran too, in theory), it sometimes becomes a source of stress.
The stress occurs mostly because it's my hobby that now sometimes requires his participation -- we have a young child, and when she's not in daycare I need him to watch her while I run. Mostly we handle this harmoniously, and I think for the most part he's glad I'm active, but sometimes we've argued because I've been pissed that I have to end a run early for whatever reason, or he forgets that he was going to help me, or I get pissed because I'm waiting and waiting for him to have a break in his schedule so he can cover for me while I run.
Actually some of the angriest moments from our first year of having a child were me sitting and STEWING that I couldn't just GO FOR A RUN because I had to wait for him to help me. That was a big adjustment.
So it's sort of a mixed bag, but mostly I think it enhances our relationship because it makes me more sane.
We’re in a similar place Edith. My wife and I have a 3 yr old and a 7 mo old. I got pretty out of shape since we had kids, so started running again regularly in April, now back in half marathon shape. She likes to do HIIT workouts but not a runner. The weekend long run is a challenge sometimes. She knows I come back refreshed and a better human, more able to show up to the family well when I can get a couple hours on a run to myself. But so often I come back in the house and she’s a stress ball, a little passive aggressive, ready for me to immediately take over with the kids -- and I’d love to not feel guilty / take a quick shower first. It’s a season and I know this will get easier once the kids are a little older and independent. She’s definitely supportive in theory/spirit but in practice life is freaking hard and it can feel like “taking away” in a scare time system. Working on it. And also definitely not giving up my runs 😂
The child is his responsibility too, so I don't think he should expect you to be the primary caregiver all of the time. Hopefully you two can work this out so that he is there when you need him to be. I supposed another option would be to get a running stroller, then you aren't dependent on him to be there. I know it wouldn't be the same, but at least you could still get your run in.
I feel this. We don't have kids yet, but my partner doesn't run and I am in the midst of marathon training, so I'm running...a lot. He is supportive, but it also take away from the time that we would normally spend together, so that can put a strain on the relationship if I don't handle it carefully.
Yes, it's definitely a balance, isn't it? And it's never always in the same place, it's always moving a little in one direction or another. What marathon are you training for?
I totally, totally get it! This past weekend, I needed to do a long run and we had to twist ourselves into pretzels with getting someone to look after little T so I could take the 2 hours or so I needed, and my wife could make it to something she needed to be at too. It can be frustrating for her, I know, because it's easy to think, "why do you need so much time to do that?" But sometimes you just do, you know? Like you, though, I think my running enhances our relationship too, because we both know how taking care of ourselves is good for us, and only will do good things for us as a couple... it can just be hard to manage the details sometimes. Totally hear you, Edith!
I should have added — I get that to him it can seem like an indulgence (why do you need to do this every day??), but I think he also understands that it’s important to me in ways that also benefit him.
My wife is my best buddy, she is my dive buddy, run buddy, hike buddy, camp buddy. We love our adventures together. I’m a lucky guy.
Very lucky! That's so great to hear.
I love doing all that with her too. But it comes with a few drawbacks. My pace is faster along with my duration, in all activities. So I have to hold back a lot. It’s hard.
My husband and I are opposites in almost everything. I like to run, he says he only runs to the bathroom 🤣. He likes to ride motorcycles but I don’t. But we support each other. He may never run a mile with me but he will always be at the finish line with his hands wide open. I will never learn how to ride a motorcycle but I will hop on in back of his whenever he wants to go on a road trip. On our last road trip we went from Colorado to South Dakota and my bottom hurt so bad that we had to stop at Walmart and get a seat patio cushion for me to put on the bike. So not cool in the biker community :)
Good morning all....both my husband and I have been in athletics our entire lives....he played college football and I ran track in college. As far as long runs, he used to run just to clear his work brain when we first met. Over time, he has become more interested in mountain biking and golf. 5 years ago he had both hips replaced due to the overuse from that football career but he does occasionally get on my treadmill for a 30 minute jog(as he calls it). He’s very supportive of my running and will support me at my races if I ask him to. Normally I don’t ask since you need to get up so early. When I’ve run half’s in other parts of the country/world, he always greets me at the end with a smile and a hug. What we do works and he is encouraging me now as I transition to trail running....
My husband and I love being active together, running, cycling, walking our dogs, etc. When we’re first married we ran at the same pace and did races together, including our first half marathon together. Overtime, he was working more on strength and I wanted to keep my pace as long as I could, while getting older. He got slower, I’ve been able to maintain. We struggled with it for a while, sometimes got grumpy with each other - ran a half in Montreal that my pace was slower than his, because I walked so much to not get ahead of him, and then we decided to let it go. We run together and I just turn around and run back to him and we chat a bit and then I run on. My runs are longer and that’s with me/us. We still love doing it together. And now when we race. We meet at the end and congratulate each other on a great race. ❤️
I just can't comment right now. Too lengthy. Maybe something to discuss on the pavement someday...
My husband has no interest in running whatsoever, so he cheers me on and supports my training. He brings me cold water on my long runs, and brings my pup out to meet me when I've finished a run. It's wonderful. Having separate interests is important as well as sharing activities.
My hubby was a triathlete & swimmer in his youth. He also ran and trained with me for a couple of half marathons. Not any longer though. He’s patient with my long Saturday runs, because he’s been there, but my training has definitely gotten in the way of our relationship at times. It’s a fine line. I wish he would run and train with me again.
Somewhat different perspective when you are retired, my running means I am not hovering at home. When I was still working she had more time to do her things uninterrupted . We do cardio and weight training together four hours a week and she will come to some of the races, as long as it doesn’t require leaving the house before 6A. In fact I joke about the hardest training day being a rest/ recovery day, but a grain of truth exists there in.
I get this perspective too -- it can be good to have your own things, you don't have to be in each other's back pockets *all* the time.
I've been running in one shape or fashion since high school. Had a spell years ago when I stopped, it wasn't fun anymore. Of all things, my bride started running. After a while, she asked me to run with her...at her pace. Okay, I could have crawled on my hands and knees faster, but we were doing this together. She would always say... go ahead if you wantm I'm holding you back. I would just respond, "We started this together and we'll finish together." It only lasted a little over a month and then it was, I'm too tired or my legs hurt, or something else. I let her make the decision to finally stop... but I didn't. I found that the juices had started to flow again, and I trained hard for a marathon I'd always decieded against. Way too many hills... it felt like running Boston. So now, after dinner, I grab our dog and ask if she wants to come with us. We greet the neighbors, enjoy the evening air and now that I'm healthy, I go ut for a few miles. My bride is always waiting for me, asking me how it was. "It would be better with you!" I always reply. "My running days are over but I'm glad you're out there again." I think I'll ask her for a new pair of Nikes the next time she says it.
RUN ON everyone...
You and your wife sound like you have an incredibly sweet, caring and loving relationship, Steve -- I'm sure you could teach us all a lot about marriage and relationships!
Thank you!! Yes, we run the same pace! He’s pretty strong and consistent. We’re pretty similar and I believe we help each other. We beat our first 2 hour half marathon in 2021 running together!
My husband and I do not share running but have started to work out at the gym together...........LOL......he has always been an active person but did not have a fitness regime of any kind......one of those guys who felt he did not need too........now he needs to.........it's been an adjustment.......a little resentment of my dedication to running/walking/snowshoeing, and now CrossFit.......but he is receptive to working out 3 days a week. I will let you know how it turns out!!!
So you're into snowshoeing too? I've gotta hear more about that... :)
In NWWI , winter includes snow.........I have a friend that actually grooms her trails thru the woods on her property, but most of the time I just follow the snow packed roads (we are in the country so very little traffic) there are cleats that you can add to your shoes but Crescent Moon Ultra Light Snowshoes are made for running and hiking on packed snow or ice. They are perfect! (Designed by runners, made out of recycled running shoes , available at Amazon) Snowshoeing is a different movement.......works your hips . It keeps me moving and I love being outside no matter what the weather........my Running Buddy, a Standard Poodle named Samson loves it more than anything else!!!
My husband and I both run so it is a common interest. He is way faster than me, so it is not competitive between us. We support and encourage each other, which is great. We have made a number of friends along the way which has expanded our social circle, which is also great. I think that running has added a lot of positives to our relationship, which we are very lucky to have.
Thanks Terrell for the “heads up”. I always look forward to your interviews. I wish every elementary school child was required to develop a daily walking/running habit in nature. I wonder how that might “change” anything or everything??????
I would say running pulls us together. I love the benefits of running. I run consistently three plus days a week. My husband started to run with me and is great about running with me. He doesn’t run as often but does better if I’m running with him. He has a harder time fitting it into his busy schedule. As for me on the other hand, I tell myself I have to get a run in today no matter what! I make sure I get my runs in.
As for our mindset of running, it is the same. We both see the benefits of running, but it doesn’t bother my husband to go without it for a couple weeks. As for me, I have to get some runs in every week.
When we do get to run together, we have a great time!
We’re expecting a baby next year, and I have brought up the ongoing conversation about me needing him to babysit for thirty minutes a day for me to get a run in. If not, I need at least three days a week where he is on baby duty for thirty minutes.
Congratulations!!! As a grandma it makes me happy to see couples running or just mom running with Baby in a stroller........I did no run with my son or grandson but did borrow a running stroller for my poodle pup that is now my partner........make sure you get a good one!!! The one I borrowed was not and put a lot of strain on my shoulders........enjoy your runs and your family!!! Blessings!!!
Congrats on the baby, really happy for you both, Rachel! That's awesome that your husband joins in -- so you run at the same pace, then?
Thank you! Yes we run at the same pace. We push each other, as a matter of fact, we got our first 2:00 hour half marathon PR in 2021!
I run, my precious wife of 52 years does not. For me, running is as close to a panacea to the trials and tribulations of life as I have found. It opens my heart to want to become healthier, more patient and more understanding & appreciative of everything. My wife and all those I know are the beneficiaries of my daily walk/run on the trails. If I was confined to a wheelchair, I would seriously do chair yoga and meditation. If I were confined to a bed, I would practice breathing, meditation and prayer. If worse? Clueless…..
I hear you, Clark! And I love that phrase: "it opens my heart to want to become healthier, more patient and more understanding..." I've been reading some of the essays Sabrina Little writes for I Run Far lately, and they circle around this theme -- I'm actually planning on interviewing her soon for the newsletter, I imagine it'll be right up your alley.
What a great question.
My husband doesn't run, and while I think I prefer it this way (I can't imagine competing with him -- I want to be the runner in the family!! But also it would be nice if he ran too, in theory), it sometimes becomes a source of stress.
The stress occurs mostly because it's my hobby that now sometimes requires his participation -- we have a young child, and when she's not in daycare I need him to watch her while I run. Mostly we handle this harmoniously, and I think for the most part he's glad I'm active, but sometimes we've argued because I've been pissed that I have to end a run early for whatever reason, or he forgets that he was going to help me, or I get pissed because I'm waiting and waiting for him to have a break in his schedule so he can cover for me while I run.
Actually some of the angriest moments from our first year of having a child were me sitting and STEWING that I couldn't just GO FOR A RUN because I had to wait for him to help me. That was a big adjustment.
So it's sort of a mixed bag, but mostly I think it enhances our relationship because it makes me more sane.
We’re in a similar place Edith. My wife and I have a 3 yr old and a 7 mo old. I got pretty out of shape since we had kids, so started running again regularly in April, now back in half marathon shape. She likes to do HIIT workouts but not a runner. The weekend long run is a challenge sometimes. She knows I come back refreshed and a better human, more able to show up to the family well when I can get a couple hours on a run to myself. But so often I come back in the house and she’s a stress ball, a little passive aggressive, ready for me to immediately take over with the kids -- and I’d love to not feel guilty / take a quick shower first. It’s a season and I know this will get easier once the kids are a little older and independent. She’s definitely supportive in theory/spirit but in practice life is freaking hard and it can feel like “taking away” in a scare time system. Working on it. And also definitely not giving up my runs 😂
The child is his responsibility too, so I don't think he should expect you to be the primary caregiver all of the time. Hopefully you two can work this out so that he is there when you need him to be. I supposed another option would be to get a running stroller, then you aren't dependent on him to be there. I know it wouldn't be the same, but at least you could still get your run in.
He’s now great about it, there was just maybe a year of tension to get to this place of peace! 😂
And he actually got me a wonderful running stroller, which was great until the baby started hating it, which kind of ruined the runs lol
I feel this. We don't have kids yet, but my partner doesn't run and I am in the midst of marathon training, so I'm running...a lot. He is supportive, but it also take away from the time that we would normally spend together, so that can put a strain on the relationship if I don't handle it carefully.
Yes, it's definitely a balance, isn't it? And it's never always in the same place, it's always moving a little in one direction or another. What marathon are you training for?
I totally, totally get it! This past weekend, I needed to do a long run and we had to twist ourselves into pretzels with getting someone to look after little T so I could take the 2 hours or so I needed, and my wife could make it to something she needed to be at too. It can be frustrating for her, I know, because it's easy to think, "why do you need so much time to do that?" But sometimes you just do, you know? Like you, though, I think my running enhances our relationship too, because we both know how taking care of ourselves is good for us, and only will do good things for us as a couple... it can just be hard to manage the details sometimes. Totally hear you, Edith!
Totally.
I should have added — I get that to him it can seem like an indulgence (why do you need to do this every day??), but I think he also understands that it’s important to me in ways that also benefit him.
Ha! Love that… that’s encouragement, right? 🤣