Terrell, thanks for reminding me what I like best about your newsletter: your openness to explore and discover and share the insights of others so we all might benefit from a unique perspective. I never truly thought of regret in such a compelling way. Thank you Terrell...
Ahhh regrets , at 60 something I have them. Some days I wake up and think “ I have lived my life with no regrets. Yay me”. The next day- I’m making a list of my failures.
I own a nice piece of kitsugi. And I would like to hear more. Perhaps it’s time for me to add this book to the top of my tall bedside pile.
Great read, Terrell. Full of thinking, yes, but also of feeling. You’re probing at the mystery. I really enjoyed this post. Humane! It’s curious. Running does elevate our thinking, and there are those runs that really bring us into our feelings.
I have many regrets, of course. They are good teachers. But I’ve never regretted a run.
Interestingly I began listening to this book on Sunday. I picked it up because I like the author’s other books, and because I am a person who usually doesn’t agree with people who keep saying they regret nothing. To me, that’s impossible. as I regret stuff all the time, every week, and I feel better for it. When I saw the book I thought I’d finally find scientific proof for my feelings on regret. I have about an hour to go on the book, and the author already convinced me (not that I needed convincing), but he added something I didn’t pay attention before, which is the fact that too much regret can be negative, and send us into depression. Finally perhaps, you can write about the findings of the scientists about the athletes that win versus the ones that end in second and third, the likelihood of them winning based on their facial expressions. that is the part I’m listening now.
Wow, what a coincidence! You're further along than I am -- I've been skipping around, chapter by chapter, like a butterfly -- but I'm really eager to get to the part you mention. Will do that this weekend.
This is great, Terrell! I’ve always loved the philosophy of kinsugi. And I just love the feeling when a new book gets the wheels turning and inspires a newsletter post. Well done!
I have written often about how regret is my least favorite emotion. But you have really turned around my thinking on that. I can’t wait to read Pink's book. Now I’m going to go pull the thorn out of my paw.
Great story and good comments…only we have to figure out how to handle emotions and thinking…but it is worthwhile. Having others in your life that talk about how to understand such things is a gift that few of us have.
Thanks, Baxter! And YES, I completely agree with you. In the book, Pink references a study that Harvard University has done for decades on what makes people happy -- there's another book I have, The Good Life, based on the results of the study. That may be worth following up on here... 🤔
We’re taught that actions have consequences. When I have screwed up in the past, I try to look at what happened and see what change in behavior would prevent a recurrence of the negative behavior. This has worked for me quite well.
On a lighter note, your reference to high school physics class reminded me of a college differential equations class … we were discussing heat transfer and the instructor asked what happens when a refrigerator door opens. One of the students raised his hand, was called on and responded, “The light goes on!” The instructor was NOT amused.
Oh, I joke about how I was a linguistics major in college, and when we graduated, all my fellow linguists went off to work on AI for a little startup (then!) called Microsoft. They 'cashed out' with millions while in their 30s.
I went on to seminary and became a clergy person... :)
and in this way I disagree with Pink (though I love the kitsugi analogy). I think feelings are for bringing us closer to God. They alert us - like our phone and its incessant notifications - how close or far away we are from loving and being loved.
We can certainly take actions according to our feelings, though I think it works best if we understand the notification first. So maybe we should not act out our anger, for instance, but instead first hear it as a call back towards love, and act out the exploration of that.
Poignant post. Pink's leadership work is noteworthy. My sister has a poster in her home sharing the first two lines of the poem titled: Warning by Jenny Joseph. When I think about regret? i think about this poem for some reason and I am inspired to do something now vs wait.... maybe surprise myself along the way a bit more. Written in 1961 - the poem's relevance remains solid. As we move along? A poem like Warning seems to help with any regrets. BTW? The second line became the inspiration for the founding of the Red Hat Society, the self-described playgroup for women where there is “Fun and Friendship After Fifty.”
If you have ever encountered a Red Hat Society meet up? You know these are folks living life - NOW!
Happy September all!
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple,
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves,
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain,
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised,
It's uncanny that you chose to write about this now as I just wrote a 6 page letter to my honorary daughter for her 40th birthday that in essence, represented my "life advice," (Based on the things I wish I'd known when I turned 40.) One of the pieces of advice had to do with regret (and yes, I too read Pink's book!)-and from that I advised it was best to decide what her ongoing relationship with "regret" was going to be. Was she someone who was never bothered by the shoulda-woulda's (or worse, the stuff that was done)--or did it "slay her"--and if so, how could she learn to reframe regret and put it in its proper perspective (as a valuable learning experience.) After reading that book--I have learned to let go more than I ever could have before--and also, if it's something I can change--I've learned to either take action and DO SOMETHING or shut up already and let it go.
I love, love, love this, Diana -- and what you're describing is what I'm *trying* to learn myself. It's not easy! But I try, every day. What you wrote to your daughter sounds like really thoughtful, really wise advice -- I love it.
I try not to dwell on regrets since it’s a downer and for the most part can’t be changed or undone. That said, I love love love the pottery story, puts such a positive spin on what I think is a mostly negative emotion.
Also, I ran 8 miles yesterday, feeling good, No Regrets! 😉
Due to your recommendation and story shared, I have just ordered the book! As I get older (65 this fall), I tend to think in terms of regrets I have about things I have done in my life. I am thinking this post you have written are quite timely for me. I am so grateful for all I have in my life, but sometimes I wish I could go back in time and make better decisions. A great decision I DID make was to run 8 miles in the glorious sunshine and delightfully dry and cool air this morning up here in Maine:)
Nice, Debby!!! I've always wanted to visit Maine. My wife and I have had it on our list for years now -- maybe next year! How did your 8-miler go? (Also, I definitely feel what you're saying about being able to go back in time; there are definitely a few things I'd change.)
Terrell, thanks for reminding me what I like best about your newsletter: your openness to explore and discover and share the insights of others so we all might benefit from a unique perspective. I never truly thought of regret in such a compelling way. Thank you Terrell...
Thank you, my friend!!!
Thoroughly agree … another reason The Half Marathoner is so valuable to our well being.
You're the best, Dave! Can't wait to see you in Athens in November 🙌
Ahhh regrets , at 60 something I have them. Some days I wake up and think “ I have lived my life with no regrets. Yay me”. The next day- I’m making a list of my failures.
I own a nice piece of kitsugi. And I would like to hear more. Perhaps it’s time for me to add this book to the top of my tall bedside pile.
Thanks for introducing it to us
Definitely, MMB! I've really only scratched the surface here with the book -- I'll definitely write more in future newsletters 🙌
Yes - “60 something” where have I been? Where am I going?
Great read, Terrell. Full of thinking, yes, but also of feeling. You’re probing at the mystery. I really enjoyed this post. Humane! It’s curious. Running does elevate our thinking, and there are those runs that really bring us into our feelings.
I have many regrets, of course. They are good teachers. But I’ve never regretted a run.
Looking forward to more.
Thanks, Joshua! Totally agree with you there!
Interestingly I began listening to this book on Sunday. I picked it up because I like the author’s other books, and because I am a person who usually doesn’t agree with people who keep saying they regret nothing. To me, that’s impossible. as I regret stuff all the time, every week, and I feel better for it. When I saw the book I thought I’d finally find scientific proof for my feelings on regret. I have about an hour to go on the book, and the author already convinced me (not that I needed convincing), but he added something I didn’t pay attention before, which is the fact that too much regret can be negative, and send us into depression. Finally perhaps, you can write about the findings of the scientists about the athletes that win versus the ones that end in second and third, the likelihood of them winning based on their facial expressions. that is the part I’m listening now.
Wow, what a coincidence! You're further along than I am -- I've been skipping around, chapter by chapter, like a butterfly -- but I'm really eager to get to the part you mention. Will do that this weekend.
This is great, Terrell! I’ve always loved the philosophy of kinsugi. And I just love the feeling when a new book gets the wheels turning and inspires a newsletter post. Well done!
Thank you so much, Katie!
I have written often about how regret is my least favorite emotion. But you have really turned around my thinking on that. I can’t wait to read Pink's book. Now I’m going to go pull the thorn out of my paw.
Love hearing that, Fran -- can't wait to hear what you think of the book.
Great story and good comments…only we have to figure out how to handle emotions and thinking…but it is worthwhile. Having others in your life that talk about how to understand such things is a gift that few of us have.
Thanks, Baxter! And YES, I completely agree with you. In the book, Pink references a study that Harvard University has done for decades on what makes people happy -- there's another book I have, The Good Life, based on the results of the study. That may be worth following up on here... 🤔
We’re taught that actions have consequences. When I have screwed up in the past, I try to look at what happened and see what change in behavior would prevent a recurrence of the negative behavior. This has worked for me quite well.
On a lighter note, your reference to high school physics class reminded me of a college differential equations class … we were discussing heat transfer and the instructor asked what happens when a refrigerator door opens. One of the students raised his hand, was called on and responded, “The light goes on!” The instructor was NOT amused.
LOL!!!
I have so few regrets, thankfully.
Oh, I joke about how I was a linguistics major in college, and when we graduated, all my fellow linguists went off to work on AI for a little startup (then!) called Microsoft. They 'cashed out' with millions while in their 30s.
I went on to seminary and became a clergy person... :)
My real regrets all involve not loving others, or not behaving as lovingly as I could have towards them.
and in this way I disagree with Pink (though I love the kitsugi analogy). I think feelings are for bringing us closer to God. They alert us - like our phone and its incessant notifications - how close or far away we are from loving and being loved.
We can certainly take actions according to our feelings, though I think it works best if we understand the notification first. So maybe we should not act out our anger, for instance, but instead first hear it as a call back towards love, and act out the exploration of that.
Mine too!
Poignant post. Pink's leadership work is noteworthy. My sister has a poster in her home sharing the first two lines of the poem titled: Warning by Jenny Joseph. When I think about regret? i think about this poem for some reason and I am inspired to do something now vs wait.... maybe surprise myself along the way a bit more. Written in 1961 - the poem's relevance remains solid. As we move along? A poem like Warning seems to help with any regrets. BTW? The second line became the inspiration for the founding of the Red Hat Society, the self-described playgroup for women where there is “Fun and Friendship After Fifty.”
If you have ever encountered a Red Hat Society meet up? You know these are folks living life - NOW!
Happy September all!
When I am an old woman I shall wear purple,
With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.
And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves,
And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.
I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired,
And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,
And run my stick along the public railings
And make up for the sobriety of my youth.
I shall go out in my slippers in the rain,
And pick flowers in other people’s gardens,
And learn to spit.
You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,
Or only bread and pickle for a week,
And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.
But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,
And pay our rent and not swear in the street,
And set a good example for the children.
We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now?
So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised,
When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.
It's uncanny that you chose to write about this now as I just wrote a 6 page letter to my honorary daughter for her 40th birthday that in essence, represented my "life advice," (Based on the things I wish I'd known when I turned 40.) One of the pieces of advice had to do with regret (and yes, I too read Pink's book!)-and from that I advised it was best to decide what her ongoing relationship with "regret" was going to be. Was she someone who was never bothered by the shoulda-woulda's (or worse, the stuff that was done)--or did it "slay her"--and if so, how could she learn to reframe regret and put it in its proper perspective (as a valuable learning experience.) After reading that book--I have learned to let go more than I ever could have before--and also, if it's something I can change--I've learned to either take action and DO SOMETHING or shut up already and let it go.
I love, love, love this, Diana -- and what you're describing is what I'm *trying* to learn myself. It's not easy! But I try, every day. What you wrote to your daughter sounds like really thoughtful, really wise advice -- I love it.
I try not to dwell on regrets since it’s a downer and for the most part can’t be changed or undone. That said, I love love love the pottery story, puts such a positive spin on what I think is a mostly negative emotion.
Also, I ran 8 miles yesterday, feeling good, No Regrets! 😉
Due to your recommendation and story shared, I have just ordered the book! As I get older (65 this fall), I tend to think in terms of regrets I have about things I have done in my life. I am thinking this post you have written are quite timely for me. I am so grateful for all I have in my life, but sometimes I wish I could go back in time and make better decisions. A great decision I DID make was to run 8 miles in the glorious sunshine and delightfully dry and cool air this morning up here in Maine:)
Nice, Debby!!! I've always wanted to visit Maine. My wife and I have had it on our list for years now -- maybe next year! How did your 8-miler go? (Also, I definitely feel what you're saying about being able to go back in time; there are definitely a few things I'd change.)
My run felt great, thank you!! And... please visit Maine when you can!!
Beautiful - thank you.
Thank you for this, my friend.
Right back at you, Janisse! 🙌
Love this! Thank you.
Thanks, Diana!