48 Comments
User's avatar
Clark Rose's avatar

Terrell, thanks for reminding me what I like best about your newsletter: your openness to explore and discover and share the insights of others so we all might benefit from a unique perspective. I never truly thought of regret in such a compelling way. Thank you Terrell...

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Thank you, my friend!!!

Expand full comment
Dave Weinstock's avatar

Thoroughly agree … another reason The Half Marathoner is so valuable to our well being.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

You're the best, Dave! Can't wait to see you in Athens in November 🙌

Expand full comment
Mombadear's avatar

Ahhh regrets , at 60 something I have them. Some days I wake up and think “ I have lived my life with no regrets. Yay me”. The next day- I’m making a list of my failures.

I own a nice piece of kitsugi. And I would like to hear more. Perhaps it’s time for me to add this book to the top of my tall bedside pile.

Thanks for introducing it to us

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Definitely, MMB! I've really only scratched the surface here with the book -- I'll definitely write more in future newsletters 🙌

Expand full comment
Jill W.'s avatar

Yes - “60 something” where have I been? Where am I going?

Expand full comment
Joshua Ross's avatar

Great read, Terrell. Full of thinking, yes, but also of feeling. You’re probing at the mystery. I really enjoyed this post. Humane! It’s curious. Running does elevate our thinking, and there are those runs that really bring us into our feelings.

I have many regrets, of course. They are good teachers. But I’ve never regretted a run.

Looking forward to more.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Thanks, Joshua! Totally agree with you there!

Expand full comment
Rogerio Cazelato's avatar

Interestingly I began listening to this book on Sunday. I picked it up because I like the author’s other books, and because I am a person who usually doesn’t agree with people who keep saying they regret nothing. To me, that’s impossible. as I regret stuff all the time, every week, and I feel better for it. When I saw the book I thought I’d finally find scientific proof for my feelings on regret. I have about an hour to go on the book, and the author already convinced me (not that I needed convincing), but he added something I didn’t pay attention before, which is the fact that too much regret can be negative, and send us into depression. Finally perhaps, you can write about the findings of the scientists about the athletes that win versus the ones that end in second and third, the likelihood of them winning based on their facial expressions. that is the part I’m listening now.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Wow, what a coincidence! You're further along than I am -- I've been skipping around, chapter by chapter, like a butterfly -- but I'm really eager to get to the part you mention. Will do that this weekend.

Expand full comment
Katie Hawkins-Gaar's avatar

This is great, Terrell! I’ve always loved the philosophy of kinsugi. And I just love the feeling when a new book gets the wheels turning and inspires a newsletter post. Well done!

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Thank you so much, Katie!

Expand full comment
Fran Gardner's avatar

I have written often about how regret is my least favorite emotion. But you have really turned around my thinking on that. I can’t wait to read Pink's book. Now I’m going to go pull the thorn out of my paw.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Love hearing that, Fran -- can't wait to hear what you think of the book.

Expand full comment
Baxter Wilson's avatar

Great story and good comments…only we have to figure out how to handle emotions and thinking…but it is worthwhile. Having others in your life that talk about how to understand such things is a gift that few of us have.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Thanks, Baxter! And YES, I completely agree with you. In the book, Pink references a study that Harvard University has done for decades on what makes people happy -- there's another book I have, The Good Life, based on the results of the study. That may be worth following up on here... 🤔

Expand full comment
Dave Weinstock's avatar

We’re taught that actions have consequences. When I have screwed up in the past, I try to look at what happened and see what change in behavior would prevent a recurrence of the negative behavior. This has worked for me quite well.

On a lighter note, your reference to high school physics class reminded me of a college differential equations class … we were discussing heat transfer and the instructor asked what happens when a refrigerator door opens. One of the students raised his hand, was called on and responded, “The light goes on!” The instructor was NOT amused.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

LOL!!!

Expand full comment
Fr. Cathie Caimano's avatar

I have so few regrets, thankfully.

Oh, I joke about how I was a linguistics major in college, and when we graduated, all my fellow linguists went off to work on AI for a little startup (then!) called Microsoft. They 'cashed out' with millions while in their 30s.

I went on to seminary and became a clergy person... :)

Expand full comment
Fr. Cathie Caimano's avatar

My real regrets all involve not loving others, or not behaving as lovingly as I could have towards them.

Expand full comment
Fr. Cathie Caimano's avatar

and in this way I disagree with Pink (though I love the kitsugi analogy). I think feelings are for bringing us closer to God. They alert us - like our phone and its incessant notifications - how close or far away we are from loving and being loved.

We can certainly take actions according to our feelings, though I think it works best if we understand the notification first. So maybe we should not act out our anger, for instance, but instead first hear it as a call back towards love, and act out the exploration of that.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Mine too!

Expand full comment
John Bahouth's avatar

Poignant post. Pink's leadership work is noteworthy. My sister has a poster in her home sharing the first two lines of the poem titled: Warning by Jenny Joseph. When I think about regret? i think about this poem for some reason and I am inspired to do something now vs wait.... maybe surprise myself along the way a bit more. Written in 1961 - the poem's relevance remains solid. As we move along? A poem like Warning seems to help with any regrets. BTW? The second line became the inspiration for the founding of the Red Hat Society, the self-described playgroup for women where there is “Fun and Friendship After Fifty.”

If you have ever encountered a Red Hat Society meet up? You know these are folks living life - NOW!

Happy September all!

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple,

With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves,

And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired,

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,

And run my stick along the public railings

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain,

And pick flowers in other people’s gardens,

And learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,

Or only bread and pickle for a week,

And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,

And pay our rent and not swear in the street,

And set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised,

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Expand full comment
Diana M. Wilson's avatar

It's uncanny that you chose to write about this now as I just wrote a 6 page letter to my honorary daughter for her 40th birthday that in essence, represented my "life advice," (Based on the things I wish I'd known when I turned 40.) One of the pieces of advice had to do with regret (and yes, I too read Pink's book!)-and from that I advised it was best to decide what her ongoing relationship with "regret" was going to be. Was she someone who was never bothered by the shoulda-woulda's (or worse, the stuff that was done)--or did it "slay her"--and if so, how could she learn to reframe regret and put it in its proper perspective (as a valuable learning experience.) After reading that book--I have learned to let go more than I ever could have before--and also, if it's something I can change--I've learned to either take action and DO SOMETHING or shut up already and let it go.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

I love, love, love this, Diana -- and what you're describing is what I'm *trying* to learn myself. It's not easy! But I try, every day. What you wrote to your daughter sounds like really thoughtful, really wise advice -- I love it.

Expand full comment
Stacy, formerly HHR's avatar

I try not to dwell on regrets since it’s a downer and for the most part can’t be changed or undone. That said, I love love love the pottery story, puts such a positive spin on what I think is a mostly negative emotion.

Also, I ran 8 miles yesterday, feeling good, No Regrets! 😉

Expand full comment
Debby Jones's avatar

Due to your recommendation and story shared, I have just ordered the book! As I get older (65 this fall), I tend to think in terms of regrets I have about things I have done in my life. I am thinking this post you have written are quite timely for me. I am so grateful for all I have in my life, but sometimes I wish I could go back in time and make better decisions. A great decision I DID make was to run 8 miles in the glorious sunshine and delightfully dry and cool air this morning up here in Maine:)

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Nice, Debby!!! I've always wanted to visit Maine. My wife and I have had it on our list for years now -- maybe next year! How did your 8-miler go? (Also, I definitely feel what you're saying about being able to go back in time; there are definitely a few things I'd change.)

Expand full comment
Debby Jones's avatar

My run felt great, thank you!! And... please visit Maine when you can!!

Expand full comment
Chuck Wavra's avatar

Beautiful - thank you.

Expand full comment
Janisse Ray's avatar

Thank you for this, my friend.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Right back at you, Janisse! 🙌

Expand full comment
Diana Butler Bass's avatar

Love this! Thank you.

Expand full comment
Terrell Johnson's avatar

Thanks, Diana!

Expand full comment